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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-03-05, 08:24 PM
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#1
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Drowning Thoughts
IP: 3881 400B
Link: http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2128304
Drowned Thoughts
I'm stuck under water-- H2O is quickly filling my lungs, I'm hearing voices in my head like they were speaking in tongues, I thought I was dead, but luckily the fat lady has choked, Gasping for breathe, viewing the ocean as smoke, Going insane...as my muscles begin to spazz out of control, I'm losing my brain, as my body begins to separate from my soul. I open my eyes, everything is blinding myself, As I am still levitating as I struggle for help, Resistance is futile, but strangely my existence is here, As I realize the holocaust of my spirit is near, Trying to resurrect a puddle of life, This match inside me is about to ignite, But luckily, I could catch the last complexion of light, My eyes quickly go blank, my body is about to immure, Holding my breathe, trying to find a will to endure... Trying to hold on to my mind, as the compass points to the south, Slowly sinking downward, while carbon dioxide exits my mouth, I'm going down slow, not what I thought would be, As I begin to loose control on the alchemistic flow of the sea... I write this script with a scratched knife written in stone, Overtaking Poseidon, thoroughly smashing his throne.. Taking his trident from his mighty hands stabbing his lungs, Taunting the god, watching as the water is replaced with his blood, Murderous scriptures as I fill the sea's capacity with my eminence, Not sure whether to move, for my state of mind is hesitant, The ocean tides are tinted, well so I thought in the past, When really demons are staring at me upon see-through glass, The red horns of the beast, focused on my mind with a passion, Glaring face-to-face, as our eyes keep on clashing, The almighty devil-like character slipped through the surface, With a threatening light in his optics, disturbed with a purpose, Grabbing my neck, powerless to the fate of his hands, I'm giving in, but I must hold on, don't know how much more I can stand, Corruption of the mind, bring chills down ya spine in a rhythm consistency, Surrounded by fools, blinded by the simplicity, Trying to hold on to my mind, as the compass points to the south, Slowly sinking downward, while carbon dioxide exits my mouth, I'm going down slow, not what I thought would be, As I begin to loose control on the alchemistic flow of the sea... Slowly extracting the Demon's soul away from his chest, Muscles contracting as he dies, forever in rest, I monotonously watch as the water molecules separate, Blown up several notches, as spirits disintegrate, Killing hope of survival in this greatly terrorized frame, Performing homicide, falling down on its surface like rain, The sea is in pain, trying to sustain my might and power, It will never be the same as the water now becomes a blood shower, Continuously smighting, striking it as its mine, Rapidly fighting, being aware of the time, The ocean is gradually fading, coming to a stand Appearance is sickening, it’s in the palm of my hands... Drowned like a christening, a new born terror is here, An elegy is playing, as I realize the ending is near... Feed....
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i'm bored. |
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05-03-05, 09:12 PM
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#2
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Light Weight
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IP: 0268 34D0
Wow...I'm really lkin this piece...the concept is hot, vocab is nice and very well used...the whole piece flows smoothly
fav lines I write this script with a scratched knife written in stone, Overtaking Poseidon, thoroughly smashing his throne.. overall...9.5/10 Return tha favor |
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05-03-05, 09:42 PM
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#3
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cant mess wit Succes one of the best in the midwest
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IP: 2348 E753
.............smooth............ i like it hellaz
nice tittle |
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05-04-05, 02:59 PM
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#4
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IP: 3881 400B
Thanks uppin for more feed.
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i'm bored. |
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05-04-05, 07:24 PM
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#5
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IP: 3881 400B
Bump...........
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i'm bored. |
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05-04-05, 07:28 PM
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#6
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cant mess wit Succes one of the best in the midwest
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IP: 4521 3493
good shit i give it a 9/10
nice punchlines and flow i like it leave feed on my shit http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2130069 |
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05-04-05, 07:32 PM
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#7
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IP: 3881 400B
Quote:
What the fuck you already gave feedback..... And what the fuck punches?????? Idiot...try actually reading it you retard...
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i'm bored. Last edited by EleGiaC : 05-04-05 at 07:38 PM. |
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05-04-05, 08:30 PM
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#8
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IP: 3881 400B
Uppin for some actual feedback...
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i'm bored. |
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05-05-05, 03:29 PM
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#9
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IP: 3881 400B
.......................
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i'm bored. |
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05-05-05, 03:31 PM
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#10
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in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
lmlo @ having punchlines.......
....but seriously, they hit hard keep up my friend
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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05-05-05, 04:14 PM
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#11
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Human Crack in The Flesh.
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IP: ED88 2C9A
OmG, who said you have to keep it gangsta, Thats solid prove anybody wit any style can rap
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Try Out Here
Join The Dynasty Today ----
THE 300 DYNASTY
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05-05-05, 04:17 PM
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#12
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
ROFL at the punchlines..
But yeah this was a good peice.. i was really feeling it It had lots of emotions , and nice feeling , good imagery , and nice wordplay you had nice vocab , and good worden of your bars structure was alittle of but it was okay, Overall this was a nice peice.. had lots of feeling and emotions , nice imagery ..could have used alittle work You had a nice concept ,Keep it up
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The Competition
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05-05-05, 04:20 PM
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#13
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IP: 3881 400B
Thanks for the feed I'ma start another piece similar to this later, keep it comin.'
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i'm bored. |
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05-05-05, 07:29 PM
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#14
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IP: 3881 400B
B-u-m-p..........
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i'm bored. |
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05-06-05, 02:55 PM
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#15
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IP: 3881 400B
Can I get some more feed....
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i'm bored. |
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