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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
06-15-06, 02:17 AM
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#1
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Can u guess 2v's Gender?
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Lauren.
IP: 6BB6 E242
do you like me or want me as your man anymore?
Cant you tell you’re the only one that im asking for. In the depth of my mind my emotions for you are true. My heart and my love is calling for you. Minute after minute and second after second I ponder from the memories of us. With you I was something but now im nothing all I feel is pain from my writs being cut. A loving relationship and now it’s gone feel the air where you once belonged. Quite fawn of us in my dreams so it seems from dusk till dawn you’re the memory I ponder on. I remain to call you and and tell you that im sorry for anything and everything I’ve done. I want to be with you again and share the love and to give you hugs to show you you’re the only one. I can’t stop worrying about you night nor day as the sweat and tears pour down my face. Sitting and then I pace wanting to tell you that my heart is your place. If your reading this will you take me back I promise I’ll never do that again. I was foolish back then but when you return my call I know your takin me back as more than a friend |
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06-15-06, 03:05 AM
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#2
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I beat bitches up
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IP: FC94 E1E4
Quote:
for the most part....ur concept was on through out the entire verse and ur flow was basic but not too bad....this aint my style so I might not review it right but...it sounded like u ran out of big words to use so u kept using ponder over insted of going to webster.com and checking the thesorouse or some shit....U got ur emothions through but the vocab is kinda gay in a rap song really....people dont rap like that no more...not even niggaz from NY do that shit no more really...I also didn't like the whole cut wrist thing...thats too negative for a track in which u are telling a chick u love her...this is like for a slow jam type of beat so it wouldnt go to well wit the song...and its too obsesive really... I rate this at a 5/10 flow....6/10 creativity.....3/10 vocab....4/10 sticking to the concept....6.5/10 structure....4/10 not the best but def...not the worst...keep at it...
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06-15-06, 03:07 AM
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#3
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Can u guess 2v's Gender?
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IP: 6BB6 E242
well if a girl dumped u and ur in love you wouldnt think of that shit?
but thanks for the feed. |
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06-15-06, 04:03 AM
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#4
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Can u guess 2v's Gender?
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IP: 6BB6 E242
uppin this for feedback.
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06-15-06, 01:19 PM
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#6
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The Write Weight
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IP: 1010 8A22
well... i can see you're just now starting to write poetic pieces..
ok, you did great, but the only problem with your piece was, you have to make the structure better, more poetic, and express your feelings as much as you can. You have to tell us what you did to make her cry, or leave you. We dont know what you did, but what ever you did, it was pretty damn bad. See, if you would have had what you did, how old you were, explain yourself, her, and you just have to give us the outlook on the setting. It was an alright piece, just keep writting. pz.. check my piece, "The Blade that Wouldn't Cut".. |
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06-16-06, 02:03 AM
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#7
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L.E
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IP: BEF6 4DB8
The piece was decent...
I was feeling the emotion. Vocabulary was exrtemely basic though...structure was stretched, and your flow was off quite a bit. But I was defintely feeling the emotion on this one, as I can relate to it. Keep it up. |
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06-16-06, 03:10 AM
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#8
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IP: 5904 E9D2
Closed read the rules
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The Competition
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