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Constant Pain
IP: 021C 53E0
Sometimes I feel depressed searchin the anti depressants,
Can’t keep it bottled up, pour it on anyone in my presence, I’m never sure of my next move but I’m always confused, And when the presence of another steps into play I never refuse, Someone call me a priest my faith in god is evaporating, My mind is decapitating, flooded pain like pollution contaminating, How can I love another to take the worst of the pain away? Can’t pull myself out of this entrapment wishing to fade away, Life is mistreated and the continuous struggle creates havoc, I’d love to be sane and lock away the pain under a mattress, Watch as I prepare to propel throughout the industry, Imprint myself on the very first pages of history, Every last word that I quote will often be repeated, If you weren't ready for reality then please remain seated... Just a little something I have from a song "Constant Pain" so far, I haven't recorded the track yet, obviously. |
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
woah freaking pic!!!
Anywho, the piece. The first thing is the intro, which is suppose to pull readers in keep them on this page And i didnt think this intro really servered its purpose it didnt attract me it seemed to be like the everyday stuff on here pull away from the common phrases and words The farther you go in this piece the better it gets structure and vocab, and interest wise. it starts to pull away from the ordinary. Your conclusion was alright it didnt leave a " thats it, its done" feelings to it but it could go on and like you said thats not it Post the whole thing when its done ~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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Guest
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Re: Constant Pain
IP: 967B 2E06
Quote:
yo that shit is pretty nice .... peace out |
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Flyweight
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IP: 4B00 562C
ok
this piece was straight the first line was sort of weak, but the tpoic and concept was nice you could work on it though i think you should upp the vocabulary and work on your word play, if you do, the lines that can mean the same thing will have a stronger more deeper impact, you know you want to branch away from the ordinary same ol same verses but, the flow was str8, it was easy to read overall iight drop keep elevatin
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~.:Soft Focus:.~ {--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --} {-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-} {--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--} {-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-} { --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--} Poetry Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten Understanding Once Again "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." |
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Guest
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IP: 85A0 BB32
Like I said, I wrote it then and there, but I think a lot of the reason I wasn't getting any "DOPE'S" was because I'm too complex for the average vocal cords.
THATS A GOOD THING!!! |
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