this is juss sum shit i wrote when i got bored so let me kno what u guys think of it

lately i found ive been overcome/with the urge to merge/with my fury n succumb/to my inner rage/this stage in life is dumb/i still cant believe what kinda man ive become/im immune to pain/i been sayin/a speedin train/collidin still/couldnt drain the life out my body/not a shotty/held 2 feet from my head/could shed my red blood/id kiss the hot lead/and thred the needle/doin shit thats illegal/smoke sum much dope hell i think im an eagle/i can fly /sit on clouds/number 9's my choice/ill bring along my buddies smokin bongs well rejoice/u can hear my voice/like thunder in the sky/spittin rhymes with jesus hes wantin to get high/i get by with emotionz/flowin like oceans/
temper's so hott/ull be hearin explosions/straight implodin my senses/like electrical fencestrappin my thoughts im crazed/nowadayz its senseless/to have an opinion,and if u do to voice one/
hell if they gave me a fuckn choice/none of the dumb pricks/would eva bother me again/like my dad when i was 5 tryin to father me again/its useless/im a use this /track like medication/and drill it into ur brain like a physical translation/our power moves the nation/for better or worse/ill sing it loud and proud/cuz sumtimes life hurts/and we know that

i like it but you need to work on strucher............



one love........

not bad son, had some alrite meaning behind it
structure wise: coulda have been set out better
multis, complexity wise: no multis, quite basic rhyme scheme
OVerall: i suggest u try to drop sumtin with a little more depth man...more complex rhymes...try structure your verse better as well
keep droppin and elevate son
peace

cud u check out ma drop
If i die 2nite

__________________

~Click 4 Classics 2 Open mic~
My Testimony

i think that drop had a very powerful meanin...2 me it just means focus on reality and dont follow others...it was hott the best ive read so far...rhymin is rhyming...in the end its the message u wanna get accros to ppl....as long as they understand it...its all good...nice drop...
hit mine up....its called the end is near..niggaz its me u ought to fear