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10-08-03, 06:47 PM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
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My World
IP: C1DA C961
Trying to ecape this world of mine i built all on my own/
Seeing everybody suffer got me holding on my chrome/ Sometimes i feel i'm helpless, I cant help my own people/ Put a end to this crime i put in work trying to teach'em/ Was young could understand the worth of the green dollar/ Saving up for more money to buy a pistol or revolver/ But me i wan'ted differen't looking out for my younger brother/ Had to make a way help with groceries for my mother/ I pray to god everyminute and everyday of my time/ You ask why i can't tell you a suprise i hide/ These dark secrets running deep inside my soul blood turning cold/ Giving me the thought that i'm abou't to go |
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10-08-03, 08:03 PM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 2ED0 C40F
ok dawg first off i see potential here.you tried to sorta tell a short story so it was a nice topic,for most part flow was alright but by tryin to even out your bars more it would improve this,vocab was descent,i see you only have 4 posts so as you get used to doin more peices and writing like full songs you will improve.Although this was a descent drop but short,jus keep'em cumin dawg.
Hit mine up if you have a spare minute. Peace |
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10-08-03, 08:41 PM | #3 | ||||||
Banned
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IP: CCCC 1439
Nice vokab, Just didn't flow right. Just try to elevate, you'll get better.
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