Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
11-03-03, 10:04 PM | #1 | |||||||
Light Weight
|
A Fool For Love(Emotions Cannot Beat Me)
IP: C1DA C961
Replied to:
Born to Kill - Real Horror and Pain WORD~PERFECT - Braggen Rights RnC - For the cause Check this piece out ya'll.........holla back an gimme some good feed on this shit....lemme know what ya'll think.... Blessings from the Lord with the gift to do good Maturity takes time before lifes events are fully understood Continue to fight to reach glory...my soul deeply needs an uplift Wake spirits of my inner self...release more burdens when I spit The trials that I have witnessed...display the reasons of broken paths Forgive me of my sins...but will the forgiveness become everlast? When pain is aimed at my way...I walk away and I lose Bound victorious this time in the battle of the weak and confused ILL witted...my minds fitted to free these frustrations to vent I act as if I moved ahead...but its too hard to pretend A fool to believe that life's transitions could be easily dealt Because you gave me somthing in this world that I never have felt A welt in the heart...once filled with depths of fullness is left empty You'll find me continuing to stand on the same step in which you left me It's about loyalty and trust...but why does this pain bring sorrow I know better days are ahead and I still don't wanna think of tomorrow These eyes of rain could easily explain about how I'm feeling without Ya name resoundin in my head...alone...I'm yellin aloud Wonder if ya think of me now?...The worst is unvailing before As my ambitions were to hold ya tight...I watched ya walk out my door My sky has fallen...darkness approaches...all this heartache has left me hopeless I think of how we will never touch lips...Re-unite...but you'll say I dont want this Mind is focused...forget these days and the ways you used to treat me An watch me rise to the highest platform...because emotions will never BEAT ME!
__________________
"Knowledge is intelligence. Intelligence is power. Mind is music, but music is forever." - Trip Marxx <font color="red"><font face="comic sans"><center>An you thought I was wack?</center></font> <h2><font color="blue"><center>-- Merkin You One Line At A Time --</font></center></h> <center>www.soundclick.com/tripmarxx</center> |
|||||||
11-03-03, 10:14 PM | #2 | ||||
-Real Time-
|
IP: FDD6 AE15
An Alright Verse, Just Need To Work On Your Bar Structure.
And Keep All The Ideas And Concepts Running Through. |
||||
11-04-03, 12:51 PM | #3 | |||||||
Light Weight
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
Appriciate it....thanks....uppin
__________________
"Knowledge is intelligence. Intelligence is power. Mind is music, but music is forever." - Trip Marxx <font color="red"><font face="comic sans"><center>An you thought I was wack?</center></font> <h2><font color="blue"><center>-- Merkin You One Line At A Time --</font></center></h> <center>www.soundclick.com/tripmarxx</center> |
|||||||
11-04-03, 01:16 PM | #4 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 24A3 0EF0
not bad
like sureal said some of the bars were trying to fit too many syllables into a linemaking the flow a bit choppy in places content was personal but i cant say i was gripped by it seemed to lack something..maybe the flow disrupted it not an original topic but everyone has a different view on emotions etc so each drop is usually unique to the teller pretty solid verse..just work on the rhyming aspects and maybe add some imagery..i find that keeps my attention usually in a verse |
||||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|