RapVerse.com Community - SunSet In Heaven

07-22-05, 01:37 AM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

SunSet In Heaven

IP: EA9D C0AC

SUNSET IN HEAVEN

Sand grip on my feet, traces of my prints are behind me. A smile across my face
Side to side with my angel. The ring on her pinky is where I place, that i fully grace
Still playing in my mind, when she said "Yes". I saw the tears flowing down her cheek
As for me, I was shocked with electricity. Still was on my knees, couldn’t hardly speak
The sunset blooms above us, nostril filled with the smell of the salty purified ocean
Walking together. Our hands are locked with each others, showing our lovely devotion
I looked into this beautiful angel eyes, she's the total package, like a sharp diamond
Before I was a seed, but she came along. Nourish me. Broke the darkness I was bound in
Leaning toward, trying to give her a kiss with much powerful lust i can give to drain
A loud boom went past my ear. In front of me she laid. Love? No now in agony of pain

A smile across his face while I'm sitting here feeling so nonsensical with anger
He left me for that? Feeling so sad inside the other half of me for this stranger
Tears starts to barked, and my fingers teeters as I hold the deadliest weapon
I'm like an bad cupid the way I'm going to split this couple by doing this action
The sun is still in effect as it patiently enters night. Open pores filled with sweat
Saying to myself in my mind "You should've never neglected me". Prepare the regret
Taking quiet deep breaths, carefully putting my finger on the weapon trigger
Sighting him getting ready to kiss her. *Boom* she falls without a whimper
I look on feeling no remorse in my veins nor my spine heck not even in my heart
"If I can't have you No-One will". Now the the regret has been regretted
.................................................. ..............................With her soul ripped apart

Knees getting weak, stomach tightened hard. Losing my voice. I just can't believe
Tears coursing on my cheeks, this must be a dream. Throat choked. Let it be a dream!
Sitting in front of her feeling the warm blood as it wet's up my blue long pants
I put my fingers on her pulse. She's good as dead. Feeling so hopeless bout to faint
With an un-easy feeling, I slid off the ring from her cold lifeless, motionless pinky
Watched it road the waves, like my heart and myself, I watched it sinking
Me and her are now the same, Both not breathing nor our hearts are working
Both are now top of the clouds with no life form, where no one can see us. Still kissing

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2312168
-LEAVE FEED WITH YOUR POEMS OR OPEN MICS LINKS

I'll get Links tomorrow...Too Tired...Uh leave feed

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:

ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

Last edited by Tweety : 07-22-05 at 07:32 AM.

07-22-05, 01:56 AM

Kawn Flixx

FUCK STROBE

Posts: 11,115

Joined: Aug 2003

Status: Offline

Text Record: 70-13

IP: 0AE0 3B1A

Drop a link or this will be closed

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The Competition

07-22-05, 07:32 AM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: FC96 8225

Bump this up................................................ ......................................

07-22-05, 12:45 PM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: FC96 8225

.................................................. .......

07-22-05, 06:16 PM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: FC96 8225

.................................................. .....

07-24-05, 05:55 PM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: 6061 4B9A

.................................................. ....

07-24-05, 06:01 PM

Pro.

Succès Facile!

Posts: 1,323

Joined: Aug 2004

Status: Offline

IP: 56E3 EBA3

Tha was like reading a novel,SHIT!

It was alotta over stretched lines,but at tha same time it felt like poetry...I read it twice ta catch it,but at the end it was nice..ur wordplay was nice,multi's coo...

my fav line's are

*Taking quiet deep breaths, carefully putting my finger on the weapon trigger
Sighting him getting ready to kiss her. *Boom* she falls without a whimper

*With an un-easy feeling, I slid off the ring from her cold lifeless, motionless pinky
Watched it road the waves, like my heart and myself, I watched it sinking

^^those where detail'd^^

8.1/10

structure was outta place a lil...Still nice.

sorta wierd at times tho.

return favor,thanx

07-27-05, 09:42 AM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: 6061 4B9A

Thank you.........Will Leave feed...Chea..Uppin.

07-27-05, 09:50 AM

mizz fyre

**the council**

Posts: 1,196

Joined: Dec 2004

Status: Offline

IP: 1BDA C51C

no doubt you have a real nice ability to tell a story and this it what captures me and makes me wanna read your stuff....your creativity is good as well and you have a talent of coming complex with your vocab at times and using simple vocab when it is needed while still managing to keep your writing original and interesting.....keep it up....

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07-27-05, 10:14 AM

#10

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: 6061 4B9A

Uppo.............................................. .....

07-27-05, 10:21 AM

#11

Viva

Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby

Posts: 1,291

Joined: Apr 2005

From: ring the BEL and run FAST!!!

Status: Offline

Text Record: 5-1

IP: 042E 9E4C

im jus postin in here so that i remember to read it later lol, sounds good

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This is my sig. what?

I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =)

I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks!

07-27-05, 10:28 AM

#12

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: 6061 4B9A

Alrighty..You better

J/P.

07-28-05, 07:23 AM

#13

Ysdat

Whys That?

Posts: 2,007

Joined: Sep 2004

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Text Record: 11-0

Audio Record: 2-0

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IP: 5285 DC82

dope.

weres my battle?

07-28-05, 10:15 AM

#14

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: D571 3A34

^^ O dont worry After my battle with HIgh Class we'll battle...

07-28-05, 10:19 AM

#15

Journal!st

Above Originality

Posts: 2,757

Joined: Jul 2005

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IP: D40E 67D5

ayo man no doubt homie man is ill nice story man was feelin it homie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!9/10 homie its just overstretched alot

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