Ay man this my first Rap and i cant speak english so good so be chill guys
An i need som help i dont know what to do now i got a loth of raps and i tried to make beats but what after that ..aight check this


yo mothafuckers

lets start our competition
first this:2pac is the Rap Lord
so give me som time for my vision
2pac disset them with his voice like a sword


bitch you dont know where i been
bitch you dont know what ive seen
i made it but i dont know how
i got a scar like mama cow
so stop trying dissing me
because a.w.p will be missing me
but you cant diss ozzie the Gangster
you just dont listen your just lame
you mothafucker just a Wankster
Ozzie from a.w.p remember that name
Ozzie Trice and Obbie Trice it aint the same
qus i started rappin just 4 days ago
but started shoot the 4 gays for shore
2 pac the pimp in the west
snoop in the east without a vest
and the south is 50's he is the best
they know when they go to far
and you dont so expect a fat scar
so remember im like tony montana
im gonna fuck ya fat mamma
Killing is for me natruly
and a fagget thats what you acctualy
aaah man with that face you look so poor
yeah god made a mistake
aah man you bitch look like cheap whore
i dont blame GOD for fucking sake
9 bullets they fired
but 50 stil aint dead
60 culumbian you hired
and Tony made more money instead
BItch fuck you this my rage
im gonna put you in a fucking cage
and give you no food
just like in the hood
im here new im not legal
i brake you fucking bones like STeven Segal
you just sound like a fagget bird
im gonna be the last nigga you heard
so bitch you bettah start the wave
qus this is your las minut out of the grave

You have a good sence of structure...but you need to try and make a song about things people are interested in..for instance your life..background...maybe your feelings...cause you rapping about Tu pac isnt very grasping because it isnt lagit..for a newbie your off to a good start...but leave people from mainstreem out of what your writting..just makes for a more interesting read also try and make your lines a linttle longer it might help your imagery and emotion peek out a little more but keep your lines the same lenght like what your doing

keep at it though...peace

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

i agree, you need to lengthen ya bars, this is text, most people will mark ya down for this sorta structure, but me i dont giv a fuck, so long as it flows... it was still pretty basic tho and the topic was weak... be original..... but potential looms.... maybe