Read it all and give us some Feedback please...

Avalon

KnightShade

now it's real lights... and cameras with action,
porno's have regular gurls... branded... Brandon's banned from attraction...
banned all factions... same sex... same breasts,
is this test... E calls many... next he's branished a bastard...
same as the faster sides of life... and time-
only tells half the 3/5's of amazment... rhyme after line...
walkin stelletos up my spine... when we've talked boo,
I hate you... I love you too...
you are the only you in this relationship too,
too you I dedicate my hatred to you this time...
this time it's over... I can't control the mulch on your shoulder,
you may win... E's got 11 months on his side... marchin is over...
watchin the soilder now... soiled her past,
boiled the facts... they are just all watered down...
can't remember your name babe... remember the game how..?
last time I saw you... ghosts of my children covered your face... and now...


We're still together but still not grown
Achieve success give my baby a beautiful family and home
Commitments taken seriously
Secrecy jealousy general problems never with honesty
Honesty is the best policy
Shake agitate vibrate my cheeks behind closed doors
Practically bust splits break spin with mittens on the bedroom floor
Care for her brush my baby's hair for her
Received a medium sized tiger from her
Moan high pitch tone like a grizzle I gurr for her
I'm her personal masseuse I perform massages on her
Do sporadic things like creating poems, love songs for her
Surprised her with ghetto gifts
She's my don I'm her ghetto biff
Planned romantic picnics
Candle light thermostat within my blanket
Greens, white rice, fried chicken
Non-liquor based products kool-aid mixed
And most of all my momma's butter brown biscuits
Rose pestles kisses applied gentle
Love making not yet physical but mental


Spit rhymes with emotion because I'm committed
Duplication loving supportive stimulated intellect ambitious
Slow jams compact in CD listen to Usher and Monica
Unexpected proposed to my boo to my bun ion,
Live together be responsible
Stable household career unfolds be the Huxtibuls,
Have a little Rudy, Assisting me with Jelly-pudding
A young Theo, My own idealistic Danny davit to,
Mixed With African and American
Grow old together, Speak in Spanish,
Play old school classics, Salsa like Latin's fiesta like Hispanics
Become my Ebony queen,
Drink prom juice stroll with an old folks lean
Give knowledge and love to the community,
Love knowledge and unity
Bluss as I steer into your mysterious eyes,
Lust into your deepest thighs
Intoxicate me with your vapors take me high


the days are waited... Maddox pulled the arms for their legs,
created the brain... last... and that's all I'mma say...
knew if you was a real playa... ass for free... play the song,
grew into some ill layer... after we laid her wrong...
this minor is mirror loggin... eyes and noggin,
knowledge held shut for thugs and lodgin... as if we really cared...
it's there for thigh... and I know what Kobe went through,
if puss knew how puss do... only to failure... still we run through there...
goes after yours... that's mine

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LowerTown's Finest

Good drop...
Was hard to follow...
for awhile...
then caught the flow...


Good shit...

YOU CAN'T CATCH MR. E's FLOW IN TEXT..! MUHAHAHAHA...































I'm Mr. E by the way...

good drop

NICE DROP THERE...i kinda lost the flow in the first verse after like the 4th line but I caught on again... it was tight
A.T.

Mental Stamina Is Going On The Moron List. .

Not a bad piece folks, as i read it i thought it flowed pretty nicely, Avalon's opening verse seemed to have the better flow because of his multi's, the topic was kinda a let down i felt, you guys have so much potential yet picked one of the most played concepts ever to write on, lol. Knight's verses were ok, lacked internals i guess, more multi's would of helped tighten it, but he kept to the topic. You basically did all you could with this, the topic was played as hell, didnt seem like neither of you tried too hard cause ive seen you both write better.

Get a decent topic and write to that, it'll be 10 times doper than this piece, i promise.

Eace-Pay!

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W o r d P e r f e c t

That was a pretty good drop, got to work on the grammar though, it was really well put together. Like Chrit said it took me a while to catch the flow.

Yeah dogg, it was enjoyable once I got used to the flow.

Return the favor by hitting this up with a vote:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=79214

^, some real feed back please not some people who look at the first post and copy and paste.

thanks cam for the feedback.

__________________
LowerTown's Finest