http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=99595
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=100120
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=100261

Deprived of rich rewards people came and saw yet not a thought spared to put towards/
The evil lords sitting idle on their thrones of gold, hearing chords of children crying hearts still cold/
Everything they wanted mixed with things the didn't yet to free a minute for those less fortunate/
Eyes green with envy, jealous of the others, fail to see the toils and terror of their brothers/
Single mothers raising babies on a battlefield as they watch in horror as the war is revealed/
Before their eyes a world so wise, tales told concealing lies a thousand tiny pinpricks striving to the hearts demise/
Earthly prize, is what their after and they'll kill to achieve what they believe in/
All they do is to decieve one another to stick the bloody knife in/
Stab you in the back while you stand oblivious to their plan of attack/
If love is what we lack tell me why are we spiralling down the hated railroad track?/


CHORUS
as i turn in disbelief i hear them screaming in my sleep watch the world blow up around me see them following like sheep/
They all want to make a difference, they all want to make a change we stand furthur apart in the demons firing range/



i'm considering taking this to audio..not that i've ever done audio...but if you like it then i'll develop the idea and make a full length song out of it..title needs reworking..chorus too...

Do it...

Audio wise this piece would be very enjoyable to listen to...
nice lyrics...your structure is somewhat strange,..
Nice chorus..flow was there...

overall very nice...Make sure you extend the version if you do audio...

Laters...

yeah thanks..see i was planning on writing another verse but then i had buisiness to attend to..so i figured i'd post it up and get feed first..no point in releasing it if no1 wants to hear it is there? see the thing is, i never done audio before..so i was thinkin maybe if i wrote in and someone else could produce it?? when its finished i'll post it up..i would try audio but i need a mic..and some spare time..

I feel you on the MIC situation I need one too...that's why when I do my audios there are only on cassette...but yeah...do that audio...


Laters....

what, record it on cassette at home? hmm i see where your coming from..like a demo rite? yeah..i did a poem that way once..it was coo..my voice was fucked up coz it was a bad quality tape but hey, what a way to get started eh? thanks for the help Bio...really useful..i'll get myself up and running..get someone to help me and i'll be off....

ayo... this was tight fa show wit it... i was illin dis ish.. like the AIDS virus./...lol... good ish shawty... it was ON POINT

Caesar On3

hey thanks.. wow, i think i might write more open mic pieces once i develop this..i could get into this..i do poetry usually but my poems get slept on on other sites..hey..thanks for the support both of you..

^ Try not to up this so often or it will get closed. Thanks.

But this was pretty good i thought...structure was ok, but if its for audio then its just fine lol....Flow in this was good i thought, it stayed on through out it....you had good lyrics i thought as well...but overall this was a pretty good piece here....and keep at it.

i agree this might make a good audio...once expanded on...the way it is it aint bad...but maybe a few more internals...would improve it for audio........but yeah nice work so far...pZ..

This would be good for audio. Good vocabulary and original ideas. Good job.