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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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06-21-05, 03:32 PM
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#1
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Get me?
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Your darkest hour.
IP:
I'm speaking in hand with reality, but you've no interest..
When your less than humane, you don't feel the breeze.. Or the heat kissing your back, you don't hear me calling.. Your name, as the wind carries it and settles in your ears.. Each corner in life, you cut, you didn't care if it was a turn.. For the worst, when you cried your tears weren't subtle.. They were just hot magma beads, symbolizing the fury.. The fury you conceal in your intentions, rage courses.. Through your veins, your sighs morph into frantic winds.. Which blow me away; but I can't help but love you.. Even at this moment, this shadow which hugs your head.. I love it, because I love you at in your darkest hours.. Your malicy, will evolve to glee, your evil side will.. Upgrade to love, and your love will learn to love the.. Ones that love you, and in turn a cycle will form trust.. So as of now; those magma tears lump to make a lava trail.. Leading past which once were eerie willows, to palm trees.. To a haven soaked in the once existant full moon, with the sun.. Following a white orb on the road to your heart I can see doves.. Were once crows, who scavenged for the ones you condemned.. But deep inside this haven, lies the treasure I crave for.. The heart of gold I knew you had, which in your darkest hour.. Was a fragment of charcoal.. |
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06-21-05, 05:40 PM
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#2
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Not_Indeph
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IP:
I love it.
I've been through this stage in my life over and over again. And the line about not caring if the corners you cut is a turn for the worse really spoke to me.The fact you can connect with ME is an accomplishment enough. But you really have a way with words.It actually made me a better poet reading this. Nice way to close it too.Props on this. |
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06-21-05, 05:43 PM
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#3
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Get me?
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IP:
Thanks for the feed..
And the fact I've connected with a reader makes me feel I've done what I've been striving to do satisfies me  .. |
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06-21-05, 07:30 PM
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#4
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Banned: Biting
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IP:
damn, i agree with indepth. you really have accomplishes alot of things. man your poems are deep. and yes i have also been through this stage in my life. but phorge you have become a nice poet on here. keep your head up.
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06-21-05, 07:38 PM
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#5
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New to RV
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IP:
im no poet..but fuck dawg., i watch Def Poetry!!!
And is it just me or is tha flow in this absent??!! im not talkin of the flow in thought...that was there but the overall flow as in rhyme scheme was missing other than that dawg, i must admit the lyrics were deep... keep it up...deUce
__________________
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06-22-05, 08:54 AM
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#6
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Light Weight
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IP:
Beautiful....the emotion is flowing, the metaphors are heavy, and this piece is simply a joy to read. The only critique I have, is that it was a little difficult to read, because your sentences ran together on different lines (just my opinion)...other than that great drop!!! Overall 9/10
oh yeah, J.Terror...poetry doesn't always have to rhyme...expand ya mind a lil, and allow the words to speak to u. RTF on one of the links in my sig |
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