One of my most recent spits. Sounds a bit like a battle verse

I spit four rhymes a second a force to be reckoned with//
Course your gonna need a little sauce for steppin with//
The force guides the course to the words I beckon with//
And um trekkin with ma tounge to tantalise enemies//
Lets face it your gonna want the pain instead of me//
Like all the filthy hoez want the fame instead of me//
So umma stand here waiting with my chainsaw readily//
And cut you till your kids will be deranged hereditry//
You got a death wish bitch? you gonna drift away//
When I smoke your ass quick like the first spliff of the day//
I'll catch you quicker than a sik riff I play//
Theres no running or hiding from my gift to slay//
My tempers red hot so don't try to steer it//
Or I'll leave your body so not even flies go near it//
As they rise, drown out the cries of your demise you hear it//
The fire of my presence simply fries your spirit.

What ya think???

edit: typo

__________________
~Wrekless

You know the rappers these days that snap then breeze ways//
In the opposite direction of the gat that he says//
He'll cap, if you aint on in don't say you are//
before someone engraves a scar on your inflated arse//

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Pretty good man, pretty good. Keep up the good work peace.

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IM BACK BITCHES

Thx uppin for mor feedback ^^^^^^

__________________
~Wrekless

You know the rappers these days that snap then breeze ways//
In the opposite direction of the gat that he says//
He'll cap, if you aint on in don't say you are//
before someone engraves a scar on your inflated arse//

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6... ok fine ur entitled to opinion

__________________
~Wrekless

You know the rappers these days that snap then breeze ways//
In the opposite direction of the gat that he says//
He'll cap, if you aint on in don't say you are//
before someone engraves a scar on your inflated arse//

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Wins:0
Losses:0

if ya bring that format of 3 rymes ta each bar in a battle its gonna hurt ya verse,n you should loose the "with"at the end of your 1st 3 lines ..its kinda wack...n not needed..decent scheme..no wordplay ...5/10

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left...2 many herbs

Feedback appreciated except if I took the 'with's off it wouldnt make sense. Do you people actually read what the verse is about or do you just pick up on rhymes and shit? Plus beckon dosn't rhyme with enemies but bekon with half rhymes with it. Also whats wrong with having 3 rhymes per line, it makes sense don't it? I don't understand whats wrong with the things you pointed out.

edit: please explain if theres something I'm not getting.

__________________
~Wrekless

You know the rappers these days that snap then breeze ways//
In the opposite direction of the gat that he says//
He'll cap, if you aint on in don't say you are//
before someone engraves a scar on your inflated arse//

Site Record-
Wins:0
Losses:0

I stand my ground lyrically bound,
To a mic on my right arm aimin 2 impound,
Then next brotha that wishes ta speed bye,
Wavin' fake gang signs like he simply wavin' hi,
It makes me sick that all these wannabes wanna try,
To testify, I DENY!
Access to my tireless trainin',
As I work on the stage, style drainin',
All the methodical fools frontin' tools,
Screamin' they lay the law make the rules,
Yet they need mad PRACTICE!
TRACK THIS!
I'am the one who drops knowledge in a rage like an angry sage,
Writin' confusin' chapters forcin' fakaz to turn the page,
You lock me in the cage, I JUST BUST YA GAUGE!
I've been work since the age of a juvenile,
Kickin' continuous hotbeats and phat style,
YET YOUR IN THIEF DENIAL!
Walkin' tall yet stolen profile,
And now your in Hell's court, time for the trial,
Your turn to be tested and bested,
Like I was before I rested,
And took on the brothaz on the current rap scence,
Kickin' madd whackness yet clockin' madd green,
I'VE COME TO REIGN SUPREME!!!
Bring forth my lyrical dream team,
DIVINE, MURDA, AND SCHEME!!
So don't forget to avoid the blink,
Stand wide-eyed and think,
Cause my gat reacts faster than your bat,
When its all over,
People will stand above and ask, who was that?
The insane mic rocka,
The fake bitch stalka,