Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
07-10-06, 09:40 PM | #1 | ||||||
Above Originality
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Cremation Of Souls
IP: AFAB DA78
Cremation of Souls Silent Pakaveli As fear is looked dear, straight in the eye animosity builds with strides of carelessness that collides taunting breeding, Hurtful feelings good-bye Waived on a decadent plateau of emancipated tears and lies seeking of a reason for these unanswered questions Laying helpless on thy floor covered with bruises of ones perfection Battered dimension, trampled in digression She searches ever more still she is a lost cause even in her reflection. She rises to fall, crumbles to crawl The grip of Satan chokes with such a vice grip, she see's none at all The ocean settles crash, with a deceiving splash For she hopes for one day to be free as the waves, free at last Viewed as a failure, treated like a slave The world of world war 2 relives, She only runs to live in her own grave Her fragile fingers brush against the sands hold Carried to her own palace of freedom, not as a life but as a cremated soul “A cremated soul is a soul in peace” The sapling that had thrust away the branches of care That had snared the very essence of despair Stared now at the outspread allegory of love The pin pointed needles that stained the dove Gloves made from quintessences of Satan Drove wild boars in communities of Haitians Quailed minds that had married love now laughed As the alienated brethren further expired and starved The lone sauntering shadow of a man who once breathed Sheathed the charmed blade and then it grieved Grieved at the state of the place that was once in grace The place that now resembles a form laced by mace Hindered to form beauty into a harrowing scene The body oozes the flesh at the cremation of its being http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=212644 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=229655
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-10-06, 09:52 PM | #2 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 31CB E68E
A colab well done, lookin good i say
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07-10-06, 10:29 PM | #3 | ||||||
Above Originality
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IP: AFAB DA78
yup...waiting for some feed now...so lets go RV heads
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-10-06, 10:43 PM | #4 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 8373 C3D8
so dis was pretty koo fam, i t was a lil poetry for me but it was koo no doubt, it had sum good deep shit at times
return da favor on my new open mic, rise to power |
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07-10-06, 10:49 PM | #5 | ||||||
Above Originality
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IP: AFAB DA78
i will RTF if you leave proper feed.......
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-10-06, 10:52 PM | #6 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 8373 C3D8
real feed?
wat r u talk'n bout fam? |
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07-10-06, 10:54 PM | #7 | ||||||
Above Originality
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IP: AFAB DA78
detail it man if your gonna leave feed like that then il RTF just like that ill Copy and paste it.
you didnt even read it i bet?
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-10-06, 10:56 PM | #8 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 8373 C3D8
yo, wat do u want mi nigga, i read it n it was koo, wat u want me to quote sum shit from it?
take it or leave it damn, it aint even a big deal fam |
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07-10-06, 10:58 PM | #9 | ||||||
Above Originality
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IP: AFAB DA78
its whatever my dude...you just left feed just to drop a new OM..LOL!......
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-11-06, 05:00 PM | #10 | ||||||
Above Originality
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IP: 3C3A DA95
blah blah blah upping this damn this sites low..
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-13-06, 11:57 PM | #11 | |||||
Light Weight
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IP: 5A01 FB67
First good piece I have seen in Open Mic. Flowed smoothly from both. Excellent structure. Really nice read with some decent metas. I thought it was really abstract... more story telling needs to go into it...... also i thought you could have done a better job linking each other's verses..... But nonetheless, a really nice and smooth read from a couple of talented writers. See you next week in PT .
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=231636
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Was he robbed of the ashphalt that cushioned his face? |
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07-14-06, 06:30 AM | #12 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: F4A4 0FD3
I'll cehck up your link soon and preciate the comments thanks
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07-14-06, 06:58 AM | #13 | ||||||
Above Originality
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IP: 3C3A DA95
word PAKA get at me my dude...and thanks I AM WILL GET AT YOUR LINK LATER..
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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07-16-06, 02:47 PM | #14 | |||||
A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 540E 6452
this is good shit
i enjoyed both pieces equally both are equipped with nice vocabulary and good imagery overall sweet piece keep it up
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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07-16-06, 05:30 PM | #15 | ||||||
Above Originality
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IP: 3C3A DA95
word thanks fam for the feed....nice to see you back in the game
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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