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01-10-04, 04:04 PM | #1 | |||||||
Light Weight
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a quick freestyle
IP: EC0B 84C7
I was jus kickin it when this piece came to me so:
Some cats feelin like on the corner standin is the catalyst I boogle the mind of lyrical analysts the cannibus keep me on edge tryin to deliver us to meat market of rappers cuz im carnivorous tryin to live up to my name keepin it villainous makin sure every cat who read this shit is feelin us cuz like a blood hound i can the smell the fear on your breath and if i do im bound to cut you ear to ear and watch the blood flow like a tear filled with passion bodies im stashin my styles never clashin see cats dashin after i ate my ration of weenies i eliminate in an orderly fashion guerilla warlike tactics hit and run attacks what i practice niggas aint ready for my antics eat you like a lady prayin mantis my rhymes to thick you cant weave through my traffic im ready to abdicate my role as th king and go on a journey and redeem my self esteem by any means-when i spit its like magic takin every word and syllable serious it'd be tragic if i ever fumbled a sentence killed and left back a witness retaliate with the quickness youre next on my hitlist cuz i spit heat fire like a dragon flowin and never braggin ill do you worst then your bitch do you when she steady naggin im the blood pumped when the beat thump like a heart beat the bio battery spit with lyrical elite im the lion in the jungle bringin you head pain eatin suckas in my path at the top of the food chain Last edited by DaLyRicaLViLLain : 01-10-04 at 04:10 PM. |
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01-10-04, 04:25 PM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 399E F0FD
Damn yo, you got serious skills, I was feelin the whole thing, not a whole bunch of complicated words, good flow. Keep that shit up. Look forward to hearing more from you.
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01-10-04, 04:43 PM | #3 | ||||||
Registered User
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IP: D464 A806
to meat market of rappers cuz im carnivorous
Huge potential with wordplay on that line if worded better.. cuz i spit heat fire like a dragon however simple played line like this will hold you back.... this piece suffered horribly from a lack of flow...an multi's but was still decent..got the potential to elevate if you learn how to utilise the wordplay fully... |
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01-10-04, 04:49 PM | #4 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: A937 3AB7
your structure was pretty wack could use some work on that match your lines up with each other a bit more cuz it takes away from the flow but other then that u had some good vocab and wordplay, could use some more multi's though. keep elevatin.
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<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center> <center>Corrupted Visions</center> <center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center> |
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