Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
05-27-05, 05:01 PM | #1 | ||||||
New to RV
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Revamping romance.
IP: B25F 477A
Your word's mean nothing, embrace for the heated row's.
All your basis of argument's, I've countered them all now. Don't haul the blame on me, it wasn't my fault for us. ...Growing apart. & I couldn't help but not have faith in that one word 'trust'. You abused my good nature, never took action on your own. I was the dominant individual in this relationship, & you wanted that throne. Time after time before, you couldn't take care of troubling scene's. Couldn't even handle the revelations when our daughter rampaged through her teen's. A unfit mother embraced this broken home, you'd kicked me out before. So our daughter used to cry river's, no comfort that's what you were there for. I could've changed, but you never blessed me with the chance. How could you forget our love? Or even the blissful romance. I'm tired of making this work, trying the gruelling task to sway. I want to see my daughter, but numerous excuse's you create. You even tell me when I'm lying, in front of people that have a view. I can't help what I know, & I can't help but saying I love you. But you must delve into yourself, look at what youv'e done. & realise that you're being harsh, & recognize your'e the only one. For me, I place the rose in your palm, tender tears soak into the stem. Our romantic flame rekindled, as we start afresh..........Again. A quick key. Leave critique. & I'll rtf. |
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05-27-05, 05:06 PM | #2 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: B25F 477A
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05-27-05, 05:23 PM | #3 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: B25F 477A
Bumping this...
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05-27-05, 05:44 PM | #4 | ||||||
Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
not to bad bro..at first it didnt seem to rhymes and I saw it as a poem more than s ong..but as I slowly got thru it I began to catch your flow and see some a your rhymes.
emotion in this is good,structure could be a bit better. rhymes could be better and additional vocab wouldnt hurt either..try some solid metaphors and similies in it... Overall it wasnt too bad, you got a good style. |
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