Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
12-23-03, 02:13 AM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
|
Passion
IP: F302 444A
Verse 1:
Shorty I ain't witnessed lust in a long time It's somethin bout you-got me buildin up a strong vibe and plus I ain't got long in this short life Cause you and I know alot what the worlds like I'm an unwealthy man reachin for a helpin hand as time goes by girl I hope you understand That my plans to get richer and if you can provide a nigga and lace him wit the first chance I'm ya first mans--so tell me R U still down if not--then holla at me when I'm rich now I'm askin fo yo heart baby but you turn away mixed emotions got you thankin I'm hurt wit pain not worth the shame but you love me in the worst way since I worked game and hit it on the first date I search fate and a lover from this cold world built relations cause you not like most girls But in the mist boo We're not in arms length Distant lovers from another and so far away Felt a sharp blade of pain penetrate yo heart Our seperation devistated and had you torn apart Knowin that i'm in the clouds-- won't be back again wishin you trust me before the accident havin fits when you see my picture on the wall feelin weak-drop yo knees-and hit the floor but wipe ya eyes love and stay strong I know ya feel me ma' so I wrote this last song now that's passion..... |
||||||
12-23-03, 02:14 AM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: F302 444A
N litEnd
|
||||||
12-23-03, 02:15 AM | #3 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: F302 444A
Words~Perfect
Katz.frost |
||||||
12-23-03, 05:50 AM | #4 | |||||||
1E
|
IP: 5AF5 5CA5
it started off reading like a poem... basic scheme...you need to carry the rhyme further add some internals... work on multis... but seemed like you got some feeling into it so thats good....jus work on it ..pZ
|
|||||||
12-23-03, 06:30 AM | #5 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 3F29 3A5A
1) Badish
The bad is the common (a) (b) rhyme style and too chopped up too and sporting a Pac vocab, for better or worse. 2) Goodish Kind of real feelings (?) should make it a bit rawer tho, and throw in some word play to represent the feelings shown. Like some ish showing how cool it is etc. If you made it more advanced, the style could compare with some Pac joints, but a long way there yet. 3) Conclusion – fuck the ish Mix it up, take it further, play with it, and make it more unpredictable. |
||||||
12-23-03, 07:30 AM | #6 | ||||
Eddy.
|
IP: FF40 570D
Follow the rules state u'r 3 names/links to Open mic's u replyed on else this will be closed, Thank u..
__________________
Fuck you |
||||
12-23-03, 10:48 AM | #7 | |||||||
Flyweight
|
IP: 40E9 F947
nice drop for someone special dog. only you know how it really be sounding dog. i just think you have your own way of expressing your emotions and dat is word.
|
|||||||
12-23-03, 11:02 AM | #8 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 020B 3A7C
i think this was preety good man i like this shit son keep it up
|
||||||
12-23-03, 11:48 AM | #9 | ||||
Half Lyricist/Half King
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
that shit was hot dawg, I think i'd give it 1-10 a 9 and a half good job, keep it up
__________________
<a href="http://http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1194274">Se7eN v.s Long Beach Finest</a> |
||||
12-23-03, 12:02 PM | #10 | ||||
Half Lyricist/Half King
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
good job
__________________
<a href="http://http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=1194274">Se7eN v.s Long Beach Finest</a> |
||||
12-23-03, 12:09 PM | #11 | ||||
I Used To Pray
|
IP: C981 E40F
needs work, expand it more with vocab and more indept, needs more rhyme sheme, something to make us look again
__________________
Corrupted Visions |
||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|