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Old 08-03-03, 01:33 AM   #1
ksmylez
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ammunition

IP: B9D2 04D1

social anthropology evaluate the human being/
consumin inhuman things like swine,confined to persistance/
no time to rethink i idolize my existence/
i cant be subsided me and oneself is united/
come test the realest of the source i spit venom as a sport/
when condensed to a minimun i contort/
turn villian in a short,second each second passes/
consistency outlast-its the blast from the past,that turn big men
to ash-es/
ill blast quick my amendment right allows me to bare arms/
so i stand in the middle of the road and pretend ya stare harms/
me, you and what army can tear my soul out me/
im ghandi so dont think ya foolish accusations can compound me/
im sick ill ridicule you in front of ya birth mother/
big words ill uncover computer nerds i will smother/
cuz nothin is iller than me man, a pro stylist/
and everything i share on this board is off top,pro keystylist/



keystyle it all,,never written,,gotta pay fa dat,,holla
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Old 08-03-03, 07:43 AM   #2
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you had good vocab good flow it was a nice peice the only thing i could pick on is that you need to even out your bar lengths ............peace keep writin nice verse
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Old 08-03-03, 08:30 AM   #3
RythmicTendicies
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To Short To Break It Down:

You Have Good Vocab, But try To Spread It Out, You Crushed It All Into A Few Bars...Your RHymed Bar Wise, (1bar Rhymes), Which Was O.k. THis Was Too sHort, Structure It...
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Old 08-04-03, 04:59 AM   #4
ManOwaR
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Re: ammunition

IP: C3EE DC4F

Quote:
Originally posted by ksmylez
cuz nothin is iller than me man, a pro stylist/
and everything i share on this board is off top,pro keystylist/



keystyle it all,,never written,,gotta pay fa dat,,holla



the ending sucked ass...

and I wouldn't pay for an intro...
get down off your high horse and learn something...

peace...
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Old 08-04-03, 05:34 AM   #5
SYNOPSIST
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yo on the real son, the vocab and the content was ill, but unfortunately i feel the syntax within the bars is terrible ya know...the flow needs work no doubt....it prolly ounds better as an audio, but as a textual piece it was 6 out of 10
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