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08-03-03, 01:33 AM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
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ammunition
IP: B9D2 04D1
social anthropology evaluate the human being/
consumin inhuman things like swine,confined to persistance/ no time to rethink i idolize my existence/ i cant be subsided me and oneself is united/ come test the realest of the source i spit venom as a sport/ when condensed to a minimun i contort/ turn villian in a short,second each second passes/ consistency outlast-its the blast from the past,that turn big men to ash-es/ ill blast quick my amendment right allows me to bare arms/ so i stand in the middle of the road and pretend ya stare harms/ me, you and what army can tear my soul out me/ im ghandi so dont think ya foolish accusations can compound me/ im sick ill ridicule you in front of ya birth mother/ big words ill uncover computer nerds i will smother/ cuz nothin is iller than me man, a pro stylist/ and everything i share on this board is off top,pro keystylist/ keystyle it all,,never written,,gotta pay fa dat,,holla |
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08-03-03, 07:43 AM | #2 | |||||||
Middle Weight
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IP: 6E8E 630E
you had good vocab good flow it was a nice peice the only thing i could pick on is that you need to even out your bar lengths ............peace keep writin nice verse
__________________
Soft focus Whats the point of living? The voices in my head Feat. Rule Unlikely Alias More Comming soon! |
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08-03-03, 08:30 AM | #3 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 5909 1E9D
To Short To Break It Down:
You Have Good Vocab, But try To Spread It Out, You Crushed It All Into A Few Bars...Your RHymed Bar Wise, (1bar Rhymes), Which Was O.k. THis Was Too sHort, Structure It... |
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08-04-03, 04:59 AM | #4 | |||||||
Guest
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Re: ammunition
IP: C3EE DC4F
Quote:
the ending sucked ass... and I wouldn't pay for an intro... get down off your high horse and learn something... peace... |
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08-04-03, 05:34 AM | #5 | |||||||
Registered User
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IP: 1A4E 8A2D
yo on the real son, the vocab and the content was ill, but unfortunately i feel the syntax within the bars is terrible ya know...the flow needs work no doubt....it prolly ounds better as an audio, but as a textual piece it was 6 out of 10
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