Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
11-25-03, 11:35 PM | #1 | |||
Flyweight
|
Understanding ( a little short something )
IP: A6EE EFDF
**this piece i wrote last month, just some stuff i had to get off my chest**
My love for you ran down the cracks of the mountain Overflooded and uprooted the flowers and afterward, famined the valley I looked around at this desolate destruction my love for you caused recognized the damage of my heart The wind blows away dust from the land and i see i'm worth more I finally understand
__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~ {--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --} {-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-} {--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--} {-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-} { --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--} Poetry Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten Understanding Once Again "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." |
|||
11-26-03, 03:11 AM | #2 | |||||||
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
|
IP: 1A6F 5237
Oh wow. I think I understand too.
It's about growing in maturity from the breakingupitidiality of a relationship. Right? Well if that's what it is, then you expressed it dead on in such a way you were able to convey those feelings to me. Damn, that's like... short yeah, but so much said in so little words. |
|||||||
11-27-03, 10:53 PM | #3 | |||
Flyweight
|
IP: 3073 7DBC
It's about a relationship, but its not so much focused on maturity.......i'll explain it in a few
in the mean time, uppin, it isnt that long people come on
__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~ {--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --} {-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-} {--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--} {-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-} { --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--} Poetry Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten Understanding Once Again "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." |
|||
11-27-03, 11:08 PM | #4 | |||||||
..Soft Focus..
|
IP: 1B3B C284
good piece lady, i think if you re wrote this and made it longer this could be very impressive, your words in this made a l,ot of sence and showed great emotion an amazing detail,
My love for you ran down the cracks of the mountain Overflooded and uprooted the flowers amazing opener...that was great....keep that up pz
__________________
Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
|||||||
11-27-03, 11:24 PM | #5 | ||||||
BANNED
|
IP: 1B3B C284
realy nice short but it feels like got everything you needed to say about your inner feelings about that person...like young said if it was a bigger pice it would be different more deeper in feelings...keep it up
peace |
||||||
11-28-03, 12:34 PM | #6 | |||
Flyweight
|
IP: 7631 EE5B
Thanks for the feedback
I purposely made this piece short I didnt want to over do it with details and bore the reader, i was mainly trying to portray my message using imagery and personificatin......i havent wrote the meaning behind it yet but......yea uppin
__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~ {--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --} {-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-} {--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--} {-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-} { --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--} Poetry Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten Understanding Once Again "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." |
|||
11-28-03, 04:58 PM | #7 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: CEF5 716F
great gave me a good visual image
keep em coming |
||||||
11-28-03, 06:14 PM | #8 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 1345 8619
Nice and short. Showed good amount of emotion for its lengeth. Maybe you should really continue it.
: ) |
||||||
11-28-03, 06:20 PM | #9 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 2970 7FD1
even through it was shot it still showed emotion and length dosent alway matter. you had a great use of visual image.
|
||||||
11-28-03, 10:40 PM | #10 | |||
Flyweight
|
IP: 4620 0272
Thanks for the feedback
Uppin'
__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~ {--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --} {-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-} {--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--} {-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-} { --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--} Poetry Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten Understanding Once Again "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." |
|||
11-29-03, 10:16 PM | #11 | |||||||
..terror walks again..
|
IP: CEF5 716F
nice stuff. ya emotional storytellin was madd heart felt. i feel kinda goofy that i had 2 read this like 4 times to fully understand the last line, but now that i get it. i do understand that love is a great passion with its own power. also much appreciattion foe peepin my stuff as i see 1 good turn deserves anotha.
peAce
__________________
the one that watches the watchmen: |
|||||||
11-30-03, 11:02 PM | #12 | |||
Flyweight
|
IP: 6C6E 6310
...thanks
uppin
__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~ {--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --} {-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-} {--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--} {-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-} { --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--} Poetry Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten Understanding Once Again "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." |
|||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|