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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
06-21-05, 03:59 PM
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#1
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Get me?
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The escape.
IP: A7AE 6A62
Chains are thinning; but I'm still cowering in a damp corner.. Trying to see past the eye if the needle, & visibly capture.. The beholder, the captivator of my soul, as I shake & contort.. Slipping under the role of control, patience running down hours.. A cracked time glass is fleeing, leaking golden grains representing.. Minutes, which mean nothing to me. I want the hours to leak.. I want the hours to die, shrivel like prunes & curl up in a ball.. Like I did, just, like I did. Put them in the same position as I have.. Been in, see how they've treated me, having to sit there watching.. Hours gloat & slowly pass, then every so often, the masked figure.. Would enter, clutching small instruments as methods of torture.. Bloody tears used to sprint from my back, then dissolve in gravel.. You see, even the conditions were torture. Bare feet used to scrape.. An assortment of debris, such as glass, flint, and scraps of metal.. I used to dream, while awake. Of a place that had nothing which.. Seemed, and still does, better than this chamber of personal chaos.. But as I know I'm still weak, muscles won't function properley.. Windpipe closing in, breathing showing worthy of a obstacle.. With a might effort I pull loose of my restraints, finally I can crawl.. To safety, beads of sweat & anticipation chase each other.. Down my forehead, as I reach for my goal; which is consequently.. The doorknob. So I can take liberties of my freedom & take advantage.. I've succeeded in my escape, but now I collapse to this stranger known.. As fresh air, I'm no longer prey to a human, or a demon assuming the role.. Of a human, but as this chapter closes, I'm prey to the bitch known as.. Mother nature. |
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06-21-05, 05:34 PM
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#2
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Not_Indeph
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IP: 0825 899A
I'm floored yet again fam.You gotta be the best Poet on the site.
"A cracked time glass is fleeing, leaking golden grains representing.. Minutes, which mean nothing to me. I want the hours to leak..' "I used to dream, while awake. Of a place that had nothing which.. Seemed, and still does, better than this chamber of personal chaos.." and the ending was beautiful.It really gathered it all together.The escape from reality or life is the messege I got from it.I really liked this.I'm about to look at your other poems. |
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06-21-05, 07:28 PM
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#3
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Banned: Biting
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IP: 0086 7B47
Chains are thinning; but I'm still cowering in a damp corner..
Trying to see past the eye if the needle, & visibly capture.. ^^^great beginning lines here, showed great amount of emotion, didnt really jumo straight into the poem, but you made this very deep. and sounded nice. I want the hours to die, shrivel like prunes & curl up in a ball.. Like I did, just, like I did. Put them in the same position as I have.. ^^^DEEP. i like how you said you want the hours to die. very deep emotion. Windpipe closing in, breathing showing worthy of a obstacle ^^^for some reason this line caught my eye. but in this one line, this has a huge message behind it. As fresh air, I'm no longer prey to a human, or a demon assuming the role.. Of a human, but as this chapter closes, I'm prey to the bitch known as.. ^^^o man, nice nice nice. very nice. i love this ending. very deep. i like this how you put this in first person and said the MOTHER NATURE line to go along with the last couplet. very ice. |
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