im aggravated and aggitated, moms glad-i-made-it, its too bad- your-faded, from my mind evaded, through time-i-skated, too fast ive stated//

that my life just flew-by, with nothin to do and i knew-why, cause i lacked tha motivation from bein too-high, no askin you-why//

i realize my mistakes, but it really takes a man to realize what it- takes, to put on tha brakes, and slow down to aknowledge ya fate//

real-life and still-i cant find tha will but i still-try, so one day i will-fly to another place where my will-dies//

lies cant be told, outlined bold, print, scent of aloe vera and mint, sprint to tha nearest vent, bow down upon your knees and start to repent, your spent//

drug addiction, thugs bitchin about there love-of-fiction. but tha snow u sniffin acounts for tha sudden-twitchin//

views political, pitiful illiteracys literal, adrenal glands produce at a minimal, my mineral is tha main source for tha general//

public, fuckin wit this dub-shit, no matter how crazy it gets i gotta love-this, forget all my problems and hug-cryst//

abusin booze like alcoholics, confusin dudes to snatch they wallets, then simply tell him that they probably lost-it, now im tha one whos claimed as tha boss-bitch//

why we strivin to live and livin to die, like biggie said im willin to try, if skys tha limit then im stealin tha sky, still im feelin so high, with lyrics thats killin ya life//

i penetrate with rhymes that disintigrate, give me a minute-wait, then like email ill send ya fate, my brain leakin flames thatll incinirate ya frame and then regenerate//

i leave this on ya door step an unsealed note, got promoted to mayor by unreal votes, some-steal dope, people have problems adaptin but others will-cope//

uppin

Yo the rhyme scheme was good in this....all the bars flowed well.
Not the structure I woulda used but your structure works for this....mine wouldn't.
You were creative and used your skill on vocabulary well but the message could of been clearer.

why we strivin to live and livin to die, like biggie said im willin to try, if skys tha limit then im stealin tha sky, still im feelin so high, with lyrics thats killin ya life//

^^^This started off brilliantly but I got put off when you said "still I'm feelin so high with lyrics thats killin ya life". That for me ruined the bar. You should of stayed on the theme of biggie and the message you started to portray.
Overall not a bad peice but keep workin hard....it could of been improved. Thats my opinion anyway....other people might disagree. 7/10

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

i appreciate tha reply but i said what i was goin to about biggie i wasnt goin in depth on him just that he a=said skys tha limit, other than that part this piece was mine,thanks for tha replies though.~1~

uppin for more replies.~1~

You got a top notch flow on this even though you should leave out all those dashes and spaces and shit..I knwo you strying to seperate so poeple can follow the lflow but it make your shit amerurish and it acually breaks up the flow of your piece.......

Your rhyme sceam and vocab is good and your subject is cool but you kind of stray awa from keeping the topic at the forfront, you started off strong then started to fade away at the end. This still was pretty good though, your flow is your best asset.

__________________


Bang On The Table Productions

thanks for tha replies uppin for some more.

uppin one more time for some replies dont sleep on this piece.~1~

damm I'm addicted to this stuff... left the site for a minute... but I had to come back... lol...
of course I had check some of your stuff out...
feeling it as usual, except the flow ain't as tight this time around, it's good, but some parts where a bit off...
"pourin out my Mind" thats a good title for what you saying here... talking bout various things... but still making them come together so that they don't sound random and shit... good shit...

keep dropping dawg... I'm out... -1-

i appreciate tha reply just writin some shit really not spendin any time on it really.thanks for tha replies though.~!~

Leave out the dashes and shit, that is just annoying....

good piece, but your lines....your structure is "eh"

They don't have any end rhymes, you are nothing but multi's and from what I saw the lines really didn't have a connection between eachother at all. It looks like you just threw a whole bunch of multi lines together and called it a piece.