Suicide Note

Dear Me,
I’m Strange,, I keep hittin my head off walls n’ tell myself im not insane
Whats my name? I spirt green blood.. musta missed the right vein
Sometimes I get so offensive, I wear apprehensive hair extensions
Not to mention, my direction is to use park benches for weapons
Im near done, strung til’ I hear none, im fearsome
Piss myself off, so that I punch myself in the nose n’ blood pumps off my ear drums
Give myself a beat down til I die, alive n’ stab myself in the side three times
Sighed then signed on the split lines n’ get caught up in blood knee high
It all started when I got jumped, punched in the face w/ lighters; street fighters
I’d fight her, but she threw me through the windshield of my moms Chrysler
I ran but I tripped, in a ditch filled with shit in hail, closed fists thick
I swung but I missed, sprained my wrist on the fat bitches fat lips
One guy, wearin underwear thong high beat me in the full hour than gone by
Jay Z could make a song cry, but take an expression when he said we got the wrong guy
My leg wouldn’t function, my balls got kicked into my mid-sections stomach
But I stood up for nuthin, “fuck you” n’ suttin then started runnin
Never knew what the church herd, gurl told me not to go, but don’t listen to her words
Attempted worse verbs in the first-burbs, throwin shit n’ spittin mean curse words
He came back n’ wanted to fight, I’ve had enuff laughs but I don’t touch fags
N’ fuck cash, gimme a box of clothes n’ a bus pass
Got caught up w/ sum bitches, one of them flinches n’ re-opens my stiches
Swung at my dick but missed it, she threw sticks in, shit she hit my hip wit
Strung me up with bows from Christmas hit me with dishes from a distance
But I hit her tits in combos of sixes to get my hits in
Then came the pimp, talking shit so I hit him w/ the cane he used to hit his bitch,
then it worsened
It wasn’t certain, but a risk, under the curtain I missed, he hit my fists n’ I stabbed
the wrong person

Chorus
Im ready to die.. n’ you know its suicide
Got nothing better, Sign my mark on the letter
Clapped wit a belt, clappin the help
Gimme the suicide note, I’ll sign it myself

Verse 2
One day I asked my mom.. when am I going to die?
She said when gods ready, so I asked if he was as ready as I
She got pissed, pointed to her tumor n’ asked if I wanted cancer
I told her ‘please do’.. n’ sent me into therapy cuz of my answer
I met sum cool kats, sum that have been through higher
One that sharpened his finger, n’ another who stabs himself w/ screwdrivers
One that ate his foot, n’ a guy who put himself in the oven
Another that has 3rd degree burns n’ a guy who cut his penis off in public
They taught me new shit, nothing that really helped me
They put a piece of metal n’ lighter under my finger n’ it started melting
They said I was fine, lied.. so I said my good byes
Then one of the guys gave me an un-rolled paper clip to stab myself in the eye
So what happened? I stranged my mom with the telephone wire n’ started laughin
I love death so much, I got a tombstone in my easter basket
Hung my sister n’ slit my brothers wrists for practice
Then carry them down the street in rush hour traffic
N’ that’s when I’ve had it, killed my lil brothers rabbit
Then tried to hang myself, but it broke.. must not a been the right fabric
Papered a bitch, then wrapped my own in plastic
Ate hot coals n’ drank warm acid
Hit bees nests n’ don’t bother to fight the swarms
I let em sting me then go swimming in lightning storms
Sat at the end of a porch n’ let pitbulls nip at my feet
Then took a few shots that they use to put animals to sleep
Gave a friend a sledge hammer, so he could gong my knee
So many attempts n’ I aint dead.. what the hell is wrong with me?

Chorus
Im ready to die.. n’ you know its suicide
Got nothing better, Sign my mark on the letter
Clapped wit a belt, clappin the help
Gimme the suicide note, I’ll sign it myself

Verse 3
Cant say it was a secret, go a lot of recognition
A lot of bitchin from bitches I slayed in the kitchen
Cops arrested me, tried to get them to shoot me-
-But threw me in a cell with my dad
I asked him when I was gonna die, he didn’t know..
So I started bangin my head off the walls til’ they threw me in a cell with pads
So close, yet I missed my luck
They bought me a new white coat, but the zippers stuck
I bit around my body, til I found sum flesh
Then they gave me a mask w/ a cage n’ a vest
How was I suppose to die now, I could practically move
Then some dude thought that I needed to go to school
Thought it would tone me down, then signed the paper
Then I made smiley faces on my skin with staplers
Skipped class, flipped the breaker.. lights went to softness
Then let rulers n’ erasers hit me in the principles office
Jumped out his 2nd story window, still alive like before
Next time I’ll use a noose, or climb to the next floor
The cops started to chase me, so I chased them back
They threatened to shoot me, I said do it, n’ altered back
Took out his billy club, but I already knew what a bruise was like
So tripped him into a puddle n’ stole his mountain bike
Ran away.. then one day this kid hit me in the head with a tennis racket
I’d smack him, but after all that.. this was the only thing that put me in a casket
No one at the funeral, threw me in the ground, all that hopin to die
No white light tho, just dirt n’ worms.. as I opened my eyes

Chorus
Im ready to die.. n’ you know its suicide
Got nothing better, Sign my mark on the letter
Clapped wit a belt, clappin the help
Gimme the suicide note, I’ll sign it myself

{chorus flows perfect with beat}

Replied To:

Magnificent T
Antonio Banderas
deuce deuce

Great flow on this piece. I didnt see much wordplay, but this piece was put togetther pretty nicely....

7.9 / 10

__________________
B.E.S.T

The Comeback


||Sonny Barz! - The Middle Weight 1-2 Punchline Champion||SickHead.||Fly-E||Antonio Banderas|


Mystic (Traitor)

Thats all the constructive critisizm?
and no way in hell u read that all..
you posted that like 2 minutes after i did

I liked this piece, one of your better ones to date. The flow was flawless, I can see this bein a dope audio in the future. The topic wasn't exactly original, but the way you told the story made it original. Vocab was nice, I never had to dig through the dictionary, every word I had heard before. Which is good, extreme vocab loses my interest because I'm not sure whats happening. The story itself was confusing, I wasn't sure what went on with the first verse. One line was talking about a guy in a thong beating you up, that kind of hurt this piece only because I was so confused. I liked the second verse the most, it was more calm and readable than the first. In the middle I kind of got lost again but quickly caught on to it. I suggest being more specific next time. Later on in that verse you had something about tombstones in an easter basket. It was a funny line, and was nice wordplay. . but I think that line also took away from this piece. The hook was good, and quite catchy, the last line there was nice as well. 3rd verse started off bad for me. It started off like an Eminem song and then you mentioned being locked up with your Dad in a cell. . that didn't make much sense to me. In prison or jail they don't allow people they know are accustomed to one another in the same cell, let alone your own father. That just made it seem a bit unreal, then you asked the question about when are you gonna die or something, I wasn't too sure about that. When you got into the part where you left jail for school it got interesting. The story was funny and well written, but the ending came too sudden for me. It just made no sense. Hit in the head by some kid with a racquet makes no sense, especially cramming the ending in one line. Like I said, you should have been more specific, especially here.

Overall piece was nice, just work on being more specific, but you told a fine story and I read the novel so it has to be good.

Check this out man. .

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...highlight=aisle

__________________
<center>Deja Vu

..Remember These Dope Kids?..

.................................................. .

lol okay.. explaination time

My Father is really in jail at this time
so i threw that in there.

first verse was off.. agree with you there

i spent the time tryin to kill myself using all
these complicated ways, but in the end i died
by getting hit in the head with a tennis racket..
n' they thought i was dead,, but after i got buried
i woke up. n' realized i was just unconcious

flow was dope and i really felt the way you would use it with a beat.........multis used nicely and to gud effect.......vocab was tight.

1stverse: nice run up and buold up 2 the track, set the scene well and good endin to it......."kill'd the wrong person".......you set it up nice for that finish.......jay-z line was tight........nice verse

2nd Verse: good deep opener...felt that bar...............mayb dis line wasn't suppos'd to be funny but it was "One that ate his foot, n’ a guy who put himself in the oven"...lmao.............."I love death so much, I got a tombstone in my easter basket"..nice bar here man, really played with lovin death, easter is of fluffy white bunnys and u got a tombstone...nice shit.........."So many attempts n’ I aint dead.. what the hell is wrong with me?"..nice endin to da verse dawg....really had the meanin of the verse in one line...kind of like a summary...nice way of finishin the verse

3rd Verse: word to wot aisle 5 sed..they wouldn't put u in a cell wit family.."-But threw me in a cell with my dad"..line kinda lost any meanin........"Then they gave me a mask w/ a cage n’ a vest".....nice, kinda like da hannibal, wudn't b very nice tho..lol..........."No one at the funeral, threw me in the ground, all that hopin to die
No white light tho, just dirt n’ worms.. as I opened my eyes".....holy shit....wot a fukin endin to da track......u still alive man??.....thats sum deep shit.......i was readin, thinkin where is it goin and it really made me like wooooooaaaaaahhhhhhhh.........i thought that finally the muthafuka died (no hate) and then he decided to be unconscious.....sum dopeness man.....but the dude will just rot in his casket.......lol

wot u need to do tho is sumtimes b more specific with ya lines and be obvious with wot ya mean.....ya hear??
i think that sum of ya lines never meant anythin', they were there just cos they rhymed, and they were just fillers like "Another that has 3rd degree burns n’ a guy who cut his penis off in public"...ok, it sets the scene but i'd rather hear a dope line that had true meanin behind it......a guy that cut his penis off in public??? i mean, no hate, but i dont really care...ya hear......

but overall, this was a truely great read and a pretty dope story.......hook was tight and had a nice meanin

stay up playa............................................. .....peace

WWWOOOOWWWWW
Now that Is Critism !!!
Thanks Alot Man.. Very Much
Appreicated.. .phewww

1
At first i thought..it would turn out to be cliché..
Im glad, readin on..proved me wrong.
A nice setup n warm up of things yet to come..

2
One day I asked my mom.. when am I going to die?
She said when gods ready, so I asked if he was as ready as I
This is the type of writing that makes me enthusiastic & eager to read on.
Great set up of the words, it makes an certain impact you can't define with the basic catagories..meta's,wordplay etc..
This impact requires a mind..different then others..yet for others able to relate to.
So what happened? I stranged my mom with the telephone wire n’ started laughin
I love death so much, I got a tombstone in my easter basket
Not really great writing here.. but in adds to the overall storyline.
Readin' towards the end, i was really expectin' a deep finish..
Unfortunately i did not feel it had one.. though the last bar, intrigued me somehow..
Gave a friend a sledge hammer, so he could gong my knee
So many attempts n’ I aint dead.. what the hell is wrong with me?
Kinda in the context of..'another failure'..

3
The jail lines didnt come off right at first & made me rack my brain to understand the messenge beneath it.
When i saw your explanation, it all fell into place.
There are alot of potential quotables in this third verse.
But they all somehow, someway played a big part in the storyline, regardless the writing.

Chorus
Its actually better then some kids verse finisher on here..
I like it, short but strong..while clearly passin' on a message.
Shows skill.

Overall
I do at points felt you pushed yourself to write this, as if you wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, which created the lines Fiori mentioned.. As in not really meaning anything.
I could quote a few parts.
Still as i read this i felt i did not totally understood your primal essence, the messenge you want to display with this.
So it made me think harder & i like that.
The chorus went with this piece perfectly & complimented the storyline, even added some extra drama.
This piece is emtionally charged with depressed energy put in words by someone who clearly posesses some extreme, good writing skills.
I enjoyed this alot. I'll keep my own on you..

I Love You Guys

Dope Feedback Fellas

n' No real deep meanin
just fuckin around wit it

Shit was straight Dope
I wanna hear it in audio
Shit was off tha hook.....
Good work Auspicious
Shit gets better every time
Hook me up with the Audio link
When you post it at soundclick

__________________

i agree thhe first verse was the weaker, lyrically that is...but i dont know the beat so... the second seemed to go better on paper....content was stronger.n the feeling of it went... i liked the third...but some of it seemed like it was jus slapped in....complexity matched with basic stuff...wasnt really a constant level, but most caught me...thats to the beat i put it to..so ...i dunno....not bad in my eyes quite good....pZ..audio????

Soon

yeah i liked your shit......i skimmed through it i didn't read it all the way...but what i read was pretty good.....and creative....first verse's flow was a lil bit choppy but the other 2 was pretty good....a nice long peice w/ creativity 8/10