I shine Line by Line, whether it's a pen or keyboard writtin my rhyme//
i dont spit in barz i spit in paralell lines//
my flowz are 1nce in a lifetime,but it this was recorded yall would have your hands on rewind//
sometimes i wonder if god likes life cauze i think he hates mine//
sleepin wit cold chillz runnin down my spine, takin my loved ones away from me like i was bein robbed blind//
sometimes i have thoughts of suicide runnin through my mind, cauze it seem's like life's movin on but im fallin behind//
drivin down dead ends drunk crashin over stop signs, blood alchole level risin but my state of consciousness declines//
100's of parkin violation fines got me runnin into town hall wit 2 friends and 5 nines//
creatin a bigger disaster and mess then them kids at columbine//
i got nothin to hide, sadness fillz my home//
king of the microphone, fuck a beat i'll freestyle to the dial tone//
my sick keystyle' flowz might fracture your bones, cauze i have da illness disease in my chromosomes//
i have the stamina of 10 men and i'll attack like a wolverine//
it's only the Krytikal but im the sickest netcee you' ever seen//
my shit should be illegal like sex to pre-teens//
i'll ruin dreams, develope a marvelous rhyme scheme//
defeatin me is like defeatin the mens' us basketball team//
cant see me cauze i'll burn your eye's like chlorine//
and have you fucked up like a kid drinkin straight liquir when he's only fourteen//
my lyrics travel the globe and burn out your computer wires//
shit so sick i'll have you usin a knife and writin parental advisory in your tires//
fuck brittney spears so hard bitch'll have to retire//
me get tired ? that's impossible like freddy krouger usin plyers//
how long was this keystyle? i dont know i dont keep track//
i dont have a stopwatch on the side of my computer timin me from the begining to end of my rap//
that shit's wack, bitches sayin it took me like 5 minutes//
but it was prewritten, and it only took you that long for it to be typed and finished//
this isn't life this is the survival of the illest//


Thanks 4 reading my first verse on the Rap Battle website, I'm 16 and looking for some feed back if you can.

1

you need to review 3 peoples work and leave them on your post

but this was good i found it a lil simple but very well thought and composed each punch was easily identified and translated this was impressive un my opinion

Sorry man, as you can see i'v only done a few posts, and i'm not sure how to use this sit eyet, but here are the links to the other posts i replied to.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...990#post1027990

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101290

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...997#post1027997

(Ps thanks for the feed back)