double cross my heart, no hope to die
you can't see the needles, but they're in my eyes
I lost my heart, no hope to cry
a simple stuttered laugh, a crooked little sigh

I never ever said, but it's true my friends
I didn't ask for them, but I won't pretend
that each melancholy smile isn't appreciated
the outlook becomes clear because the vision's faded

as we grow and mature, it all stabs clear
we never listen anymore, all we do is hear
and what was once so pure is now obscured by fear
trying to be far away but still ending up near

this was a short guitar song...hmm...it sounds better when sung
I will record it and post the link in this thread

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

Ohh well if its better sung then it must be awesome, because this is good poetry. The flow was perfect, and the rhyme wasnt forced at all. Very creatively written, and your use of vocab was original and refreshing.
I particularily liked the last stanza-

as we grow and mature, it all stabs clear
we never listen anymore, all we do is hear

These lines really stood out to me.
Great write.. Happy Holidays. T

__________________

maven that was a tight poem. i like the way you took that rhyme and turned around...beautifully done. hit up my poem....its at the top

__________________
__________________

this i enjoyed! mostly how simple it seems to be, but how far the depth goes when you actually take time to think about it. i cant wait to hear it sung. it seems everything about it was simple, the structure, the words, the rhyme scheme, except for the message, which work beauty for this piece! your intro was my favorite part, because when it comes to intros i tend to be picky, and this one passed for me! beautifully told

~Tera~
DONT HATE

__________________

I don't get the title.

Other than that, this was great. I feel like this was an enjoyable read, but somehow I realize this isn't ment to be uplifting. But either way, I still liked to read it. It just flowed so goddam smoothly. Not even singing, just speaking each line. It works, it's amazing.

~Shalom~

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

I really felt this poem. From this poems wealth of understanding, I must give you props for lines 9,10 and 11. Keep it up.

__________________
Ya shit is no competition like 'trucker hats' against some 'fitteds'
nigga I'll fade u away like J's on the ballin court in a 'arcura' wit 'tinteds' -mindkontrol

none yall niggas wanna see me...

thanks very much everyone...I still haven't gotten around to recording it because I can't figure out a good chord progression for the second stanza....

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

Short but really good, it had a lot of good emotion and lines well done, i enjoyed the read it would sound nice in a song i think

pz

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

Some resounding moments in this piece. Like the 'don't listen just hear' one.

Did seem like something one would sing whilst plucking on his acoustic guitar. Though some parts would make it interesting (how you'd fit it in..). Which i guess depicts the complex beauty/ugliness or music and poetry as one.

It's a good read.

..resp...

(Are you saying we've lost our wisdom teeth...kind of linking how in our youth we loose our wisdom teeth...??)...

that pretty much hit the nail on the head v....I am still in my youth, and my wisdom teeth haven't come in yet. They tell me I will get to keep them. So I kinda wanted to see if that meant anything....and then the high wore off

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis