some think the devils fucking with me
but realy im the one fucking with the
fighting a battle against myself without seeing victory
hearing nothing but the cries and the screams
from a life full of pain and misory
mind full of hate and mystery
going through everyday with a smile thats seen so unclearly
if only these people were to see
the true hommie from behind the scenes
they would see the true me
but yet they still wouldn't understand
the ways of this uncontrolable man
standing at the spot with his red rag in his left hand
and a mic in his right
just trying to make a change in life
while dealing with his worst enemy his calls his mind




responded to:
-technician-neptune-katz.frost-

Get a better topic..concept w/e..
Work on imagery, wordplay,meta's..
Simply put everything..
It was an ok read..ok..
Keep writin..

Go & n leave feedback to 3 pieces or this gets closed..
..A mod will close this if u dont ^ ^ ^

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed....

Any way this was alright for a first all i wanna say to ya is Elevate in ya Flow and ya Vocab Others Ya Kinder Have Done well So Keep Dropin Man and Hope ya Keep Droping ya Flow........Aiight Man THis was Nice if thats how ya Start off ya Gonna Be a Godd Open Mic.....PeacE......

Not bad, but kinda boring. Need to augment your vocabulary. It's the same ol' same ol'... You're misunderstood, haunted, crazy, hallucinating, whatever. Keep writing.