this was for my girl critique please




We've come to far aint shit in this world can make me forget u
And on the real i didn't know what love was untill i Met you
Plus being Young not knowing what love did so i Upset you
I plan to stay loyal and baby girl u know ima be truthfull
I keep my heart full with pain and misery with shit ive caused
Im so glad i still haven't lost you cuz i truly love you
Im different from other guys ma, so i aint gon thug u
i jus wanna hug u, love u, be together forever
and as far as our love i wanna end it NEVER
you mean to much to me, wer growing closer together as time approaches
and too tell u the truth im gettin tired of these roaches
so i wanna settle.. u can say im dumb young and trully wrong
but if i dint love u i woulda never wrote u this song
it was love at first sight from the moment i laid eyes on ur pretty face
there aint no person in this world that could take ur place
i jus wanna grace u so girl i do wut i do and i stay on my grind
they say true love is hard to find u can agree but i found Mine
The moment I saw u i felt like a mime I was left speechless
then i member given u those speeches how much i liked u in such a short period
I know u got tired of hearin it... now the feelings grew and im tellin u I Love U
Stay True Be Loyal and and lets make this the best chapter
grow up and live happily ever after....

hey,fool!you wanna know about true luv read some of my rhymes,dog!BOTO BOYS-TOO BLACK,TOO STRONG!

can some one please peep this

This was pretty good i thought...lines were kinda long on some bars just try to shorten them down a bit, but structure was still good....I usually write about this kind of stuff and i liked reading yours....probably could have added some multies to help this out though...but the emotion was there....keep at it.

thnx homie.. ill peep sum ur shit...... uppin for replys

I liked this, it was nice... for soem reason made me think of "Sorry ms. Jackson".... maybe it'd be good to that beat ha.... but this was good, good emotion

^^ thnx alot homie....uppin