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01-13-04, 02:06 PM | #1 | ||||||
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IP: AE83 787A
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Who's to say, what lies in those hue's of gray beneath my eyelids, silent, recalling when we used to play those foolish games, the blues would fade w. the sun's rise I still remember the trends, my friends, the fun times, A young mind's such a wonderful place I see the sun in their faces as they evolve through life's colourful phases It's my escape from the troubles im faced with, When home life's a thrown fight, and the whole worlds trying my patience. When my minds vacant, I like to think it offers me a passport, to step back from reality, and dissappear through a backdoor So if oppourtunity knocks, answer and take it Same shit, different day kid .. Nothing ever changes. |
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01-13-04, 07:56 PM | #2 | ||||||
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IP: FB41 A6AF
I appreciat the 'escaping into own thoughts'. Though it's usually kind of rooted in reality anyway. It still is an escape. And not a directly rooted in it. Maybe i just dig too deep when in thought...hmmmm...
The portrayl of escapism and eventual reality was done quite well. You seemed to come off the top of yer head. But it kept a certain strcuture..helping to bring forth the overall feel of the piece...a feel of...erm...thought?!...i dunno... ..resp... |
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01-13-04, 08:00 PM | #3 | |||||||
Middle Weight
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IP: B6E9 E937
this poem is very good, great format i like the rhyme scheme alot. not much u need to improve on. well actually right now i cant think of anything. its very good, the message is strong, deep, and has sum originality to it. the vocab was good, it wasnt so hard that id have to pull out a dictionary, but still good enough that the rhymes werent old. very good poem, all around and meaning wise, wat can i say? keep it up man, good stuff, look forward to seeing more.
-GG-
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Po'Ethics.
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01-13-04, 09:45 PM | #4 | ||||||
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IP: C1DA C961
I liked this. It had feeling in it n imagery that was great. Flow was nice along with structure. Sorry loss for words. Such a true subject. Great job. Keep it up
Same shit, different day kid .. Nothing ever changes. ^Fav lines |
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