Finally met this girl, hot as hell from head to her feet
i was like dammmnn, tonight is gon be real sweet
so we got a couple beers from outta the fridge
headed to the basement, and saw a fruitcake kid
i downed my beers and looked over and so did she
but she never stopped there, she got another three
a little bit after she just dropped to the floor
but she got up and kept drinkin more and more
so i thought to myself here's my big chance
but my conscience kicked in "i just can't"
i can't take advantage when she's like this
so i put her on the couch, and went to take a piss
when i came back, i saw that kid and her makin out
i was like dude get off her before i punch you in the mouth
he got off her, cause he knew he was doin somethin wrong
passed out on the couch, the girl was lost in the song
The next morning i told her she made out with that kid
she was like "oh fuck i did?"
i told her what happend and she thanked me after
got her phone number, and went home shortly after

nothing to special but meh
just little something that happend this weekened
anyway uppin for some feedback
keep it real fo real
peace

heh, its kinda funny. i like it alot, i havent seen any funny poems on this site. good stuff man, ok, now for the technical stuff. the vocab is incredibly simple, but i guess its ok since its also humorous. the structure is off, that bothered me throught the whole piece. umm not deep message but its aight, keep it up, i like the humor.

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damn u should finish it....makes u wonder whats going to happend next....Finish it....tight dawg

you have deifinately elivated by the way this is treach p remember me??

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Soft focus

Whats the point of living?

The voices in my head Feat. Rule

Unlikely Alias

More Comming soon!

yeh i remember ya
thanks man

uppin for more repiles
peace

I liked this, especially how you didnt take advantage of her and u seemed to protect her in a way<<my view. This was sweet, I think you should also finish this, but if you dont it is alright because its nice how it is. Even thou it would be nice to see how it turns out. Hopefully u get her cus u seem sweet. But back to this...good job. I liked it. Keep it up.

This was a good read. some good emotion a nice thoughtly piece explaining what you feel good read the rhyme scheme was nice and structure...keep it up..glad ta have ye back

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

Nice Nice you sohuld finish it thoe like add a bit more or make another part to it call it part|| or osmething but ya nice thoe keep it up real good

Krem you are a true gentleman for takin care of her in her condition and not taking advantage of her. This wa s areally good peice dude and it made me happy to know there are good guys out there. I'ma keep my head out on you cuz i like that way you write. Want to see more of your poetry. Respect man, Peace, JT

thanks for the replies
uppin for more
peace

uppin for last time
peace