as i said first drop here for a year got alot of shit for what i dropping before but i've gone away practiced my ass off and hopefully it's paid off, tell me what you think...

nobody told you i was this raw/
before you tried to grab the mic and got ya fist tore/ for being piss poor/
i'll be writing rhymes till' my wrists sore/ and i mean sore/
i'll twist you backwards like van damme, jean claude/
snap you in 2 like a bean stalk/ with the mean talk/
i wait patiently then swoop like a tree hawk/

(and another short written)

i calculate rhymes in my brain, i'll even show the math
i move so fast/ like a ghost i don't appear in photographs
g.o.d on the mic, knowing all the facts/
even if you fixed the card game i'm holding all the jacks
hot when you want like fire from a tap/
like a dog with diorea, i'm tired of the crap/
i'll kill people for cash call me the hired gat/
crouching tiger, hidden dragon, no wires from my back

as much feedback as possible please, thanx for reading.

both are pretty basic stuff, little bit of wordplay, but didnt really carry..... out of the 2 the second was better, slightly better flow and a bit more complex, tho still basic... try and even ya verses out a bit, and work on improving ya scheme, with some more complexity, internals n shit..... check mine out

improved???..man I hate to be you..cause this was terrible...to be writing for awhile..this was very weak..your scheme didn't work well...your wordplay was garbage..just to name a few..