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02-07-04, 10:09 PM | #1 | |||||||
sofa king we todd did
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Poetry try #2
IP: C810 F8D5
Lost in the abyss missing familiar feelings
I thought I had no limit til i hit the glass ceiling Now I feel opressed depressed and full of spite see Regret cuz I can't accept that you used to like me I can't get past the fact that you never stated your emotions I'm rekindling lost memories as i'm simultaneoustly freeposting Fuck tommorow, what could've... will never be. I feel so hollow Living with sorrow, girls don't measure up, you a hard act 2 follow Lost in oblivion,still living in the past I once cherished How can I continue living when our love has perished? |
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02-08-04, 04:35 PM | #2 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 4577 CD9A
it was sweet n simple... nothing overbaring... i really enjoyed reading
it.... but personally i believe in fate... whats meant to be will be.. the only line i didnt like was the one with opressed depressed... that just didnt make sense to me... other than that i give it a 5... your vocab wasnt all that but you still held it down structure was good tho... Keep Writing.
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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3> <BR> <BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I> |
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02-08-04, 04:45 PM | #3 | ||||
shawty"B"
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IP: 399E F0FD
this is a gud peice...you kud add a lil bit more to it tho bcuz there waz very little imagery in this
............fav part............ Lost in the abyss missing familiar feelings I thought I had no limit til i hit the glass ceiling Now I feel opressed depressed and full of spite see Regret cuz I can't accept that you used to like me
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<img src=http://img43.photobucket.com/albums/v133/thanodia/shawty.gif>
JUST TRY AND STOP ME !! ........Shangri La........ |
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02-08-04, 04:51 PM | #4 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 5587 5814
oo i like this peice, kind of a connected to it. it could of been longer still was good.. fav lines..
Lost in the abyss missing familiar feelings I thought I had no limit til i hit the glass ceiling I can't get past the fact that you never stated your emotions I'm rekindling lost memories as i'm simultaneoustly freeposting Fuck tommorow, what could've... will never be. I feel so hollow ^^ feeling this, i jus broke up with a guy that never spoke his mind. i feel hallow to. keep it up peace ~roX~
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im capable of anything my amagination can give me wings, like doves flyin over streets watching many things//Nas |
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02-09-04, 05:24 PM | #5 | |||||||
sofa king we todd did
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IP: C810 F8D5
thanks y'all, I didn't get to put much feeling into this one as I should've... It was just a reply to some guy who was spitting some emo stuff in the freestyle cypher.... Next time i'll try and work on the imagery and a little more in other areas too...
My fav line in my own thread... (he can't be that arrogant can he.. lol) .........................................and full of spite see Regret cuz I can't accept that you used to like me That was the only one I really felt... cuz the rest was really just trying to get stuff to rhyme... Thanks for the feedback.. |
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