give all feedback i'm a little rusty

i'm in iraq now, with a m16 on my back now/
pissed off ready blow some iraqies backs out/
haven't seen my family for months i'm about to lash out/
and take a few grenades and blow everything in iraq down/
but this life i chose, rose my hands and froze/
and went from fubu outfits to combat boots and tan clothes/
but who knows when this shit is all done/
i miss my handguns but now i hold a bigger one/
but this is no joke no time for games/
there's no time anything and time's to blame/
wakin up every morning at fuckin 5:30/
to go run, eat, shower head out and get dirty/
but now this shit is startin to get to me/
at least once a week someone tries to put a clip through me/
and all your superior can say is "that's the call of duty"/
but see i could of stayed home if i wanted someone to shoot me/
this shit makes you wanna say fuck the army, fuck president bush/
fuck fightin for everything, fuck fightin these crooks/
cause in the long run you're only fightin for your life/
fightin to survive, and in some cases fightin just to fight/
but that's life, thugs made into shoulders/
drug dealers turned gernarals, and bitches becommin bolder/
all fightin together fightin for the same cause/
the same rules same laws, and still fightin even with husain in bars/
but fuck it all, when my times up i'm done/
so fuck this war i'm out....one/

i'll finish this shit later holla

__________________
shut the fuck up

even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun

dead in middle of little of little italy
little did we know that we riddle
some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun

thought it started off weak, dont rhyme with the same words, its boring... the actual story was decent, but the way you worded it, made it hard to get a flow... some places didnt even rhyme... ttry carrying the rhyming further.... so decent concept, jus lacked in the execution a bit.....

this was alright kid, keep it up. flow woz tight and ya had somw nice line in there too.

return the favour and vote on the battle under my sig,THANKS

This was alright here.....structure in this could be fixed up a bit in some of your lines though they seemed stretched out a bit....The vocab in this was ok, could be up'd though....flow in this was alright, it stayed on in the piece....content in this was ok...but keep at it.

good lookin on the replies i'll try to get as much from the feedback as i can aight holla at ya boi.

__________________
shut the fuck up

even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun

dead in middle of little of little italy
little did we know that we riddle
some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun

anyone else wanna try to give me some more feedback c'mon ya'll don't sleep

__________________
shut the fuck up

even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun

dead in middle of little of little italy
little did we know that we riddle
some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun

i leave for a minute come back and still no replies what the fcuk is up with ya'll'

__________________
shut the fuck up

even if i stutter i'll still sh-sh-shit on you/ pun

dead in middle of little of little italy
little did we know that we riddle
some middle man who didn't do ditally/ pun