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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-05-04, 04:06 AM
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#1
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Guest
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"This Is What I See"
IP: 2C19 B0A1
VERSE ONE I’ve never mentioned the tension that resides because I hide my lies/ I pride in size of heart and I can be deceiving when I disguise my eyes/ I will never try to cry but the motions of emotion release in my soul/ It freezes from cold and has me wonder if I’ll be deceased when I’m old/ I try to leave it alone but it comes back like a never ending nightmare/ A stained mark in a place so dark like God is never sending light there/ As a member lending my prayers this constant stress is killing me slowly/ This stress from the strife tends to question my life of feeling so holy/ It’s revealing my soul see and I wonder if this religion is a contradiction/ I set out on a mission but I have my doubts with a smidgen of prediction/ I will listen to the diction but how can something not proven be real/ I’ve read every book ducked deaths every look until the truth is revealed/ I look at youth as a deal to show what is possible during any given lifetime/ Don’t get me wrong I’m a Catholic but I’ve committed many sins in my prime/ But if I live will I climb to a place that is unseen by all of earth’s walkers/ We were born to meet death but I contest I will not fall to birth’s stalker/ God’s a great listener but a worse talker I wish he would show me a sign/ Before I slowly decline with this headache of thought putting holes in my mind/ You act solely like mimes and that right there is exactly what leads me to wonder/ Proceed from down under but my facts are as crooked as shapes I see before thunder/ / VERSE TWO The amount of comfort had dropped several levels when I first went to church/ Rehearsed at his perch the preacher spoke of a solvent for the thirst that I searched/ What I found worst in his verse was the great amount of compassion-that he had/ He said fashion was a fad and we are here by Jesus, all this passion made me sad/ Remember askin to my mom ‘’how can he be so sure that this is the way to live?’’/ "Son, you must have faith to live, you are young and will sin but God may forgive"/ My eyes glistened as I listened to the preacher as he spoke stories of fantasy/ Such as gory-dismantling, beasts and angels made me think the story was damaging/ It got boring while channeling the images were things I had only seen on screens/ As a young teen too clean this man seemed kind and never spoke obscene or mean/ Nothing was linking when I was thinking I felt uneasy in my chair-I was-sinking/ My dad stared-at me winking but my eyes response was just a pair that was blinking/ The session was new as the lesson got through I went home and tried to get involved/ Got my mind to sit and solve when mom handed me a bible the guide to get it resolved/ And then it did evolve into me searching for answers such as what is after-death?/ This book was the only answer left and taught me that one person had crafted breath/ At that early age this book did give looks into what I could expect when I died/ As I selected the guide I tried to follow standards which seemed correct to abide/ God had respect to provide and this one manual gave me a glance at a reason/ As I advance and I season it shows-clear with no fear and no chances of treason// |
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02-05-04, 04:37 AM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: 23B6 2C04
Drop the colours... And the / at the end of each line...
Not bad... Decent concept... Work on your flow though... And be more creative in your verse... Blah... |
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02-05-04, 02:33 PM
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#3
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Word.
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IP: DD10 0DFF
This was pretty good i thought....like Freeman said dont use the colors, kinda hurts the eyes a bit lol.....the flow in this was alright, try to shorten down on the lines a bit to help that out....but you did have nice multies through the piece, which i liked....the content in this was alright i thought....keep at it.
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02-05-04, 03:44 PM
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#4
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So Tired Of It.
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IP: 4577 CD9A
exactly...i liked it..nice flow though it needs to be worked on..the / thing is annoying...the multies were cool though..overall nice peice..keep dropping
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