Replied to:

[- Fuck You! Ft. Origin & Koncept -]
How Many Times
Diss On DOI D.eath O.f I.Diots


20 Below

Dying to fit, into the lens of accepted society
Trying to quit, befriends unprotected anxiety
Now she sits quietly, but inside she's violent
Didnt know it would be this way..untill she tried it

Annie was a High School beauty, princess among her peers
She was a straight A student, who endured incest for years
She invested her tears, into all those pom pom's and cheers
Everything in Annie's world, is not always what it appears
So as the crowd clears, she hangs her perfect head in shame
Ever so slowly untying, the ribbon which bears her great name
Annie's claim to fame, yes it was her Victoria's Secret body
But little did we know, horribly inside she was only rotting
Her food came up, everywhere in bathrooms across the city
Feelin shitty, she still headed the homecoming committee
Never one for pity, Annie was always dyin to have a party
She slept around for love, lying while her soul was departing
As dinner time was starting, she dreaded the main course
And still she blamed food for the pain of her parents divoice
A soldier of sorts, always fought weight with her fingers
Shoved em down her throat, now her stomach acid lingers
Her reflection in the bowl, turned to become decrepit n old
Now Annie is one of those rumors, the ones she once told

See Annie spends her days basking in hospital rays
Seeking solitude from solid food in impossibe ways
She lays her head on the window sill with ease
This whole time, it was others she tried to please
It's hard to breathe, now that she's period free
And if this is life, how bad can death really be
Destined to be free, from all those dark screams
All she needs now, is a Heart Transplant is seems

Truthfully she used to be every parents wish
Now anorexic Annie, is 20 below the top...

...of the doners list

do you know what incest is? but other than that really good work i like it alot keep it up

Yeah this was a pretty good piece here i thought......enjoyed the read...structure in this seemed to be pretty good through out the entire piece....flow in this was good i thought....you had some good multies in this, keep it up.

structured well....kept the flow going.....complexity was ok....nice delivery on this.......worded well i thought...yeah...quite good...pZ

good piece mayn, you had a lot of multies and your ending paragraph just amazing i loved how that was worded, your imergary and statements in this we're really good well done mayn keep it up

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

you used a couple of words wrong but good rhyming technique

great concept, well written, nice use of imagery to desrcibe the girls predicament, smooth, sometimes forced, multis, vocab was strong enough. good work.

yo man dis shit was hot! dat all dat can b said
4get da multis an structure an all da technical bull shit
dis wuz straight 4rm da soul, were real music is birthed & nurtered, keep at it an write wat u feel is hot
not wat looks good on paper

hot - flow,wordplay was all good