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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-13-04, 11:16 PM
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#1
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ShO-Nuff. Fuckers
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Broken fruit
IP: 6236 079F
Broken Fruit
It's times like these that the pit of my stomach turns
growing full of spines, sprouting pain that just burns I yearn to understand the rottin fruit of this selflesness out to flunk me, and end killing me in this relentless test awed at the spectacle of a grown mans broken sentiments scopin tense moments of denial just hoping up against a fence cheaters way out -showered my thoughts but I'm no coward Ill clutch the stem until my hands bleed and then eat the flower slowly release rage through words on a tear soaken paper and blind the guide who took the broken path he called safer so I stand here now looking up, broken but stronger and release a silent scream at love saying my hope is no longer make of it what u would like.
__________________
MerK SquAd. <center><img src=http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=8889&stc=1></center> |
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01-13-04, 11:38 PM
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#2
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Flyweight
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IP: 6275 C768
this is nice... very cool. Very good imagery.
Quote:
It flows well, good rhymes & all. Very vague, though. Can't really tell exactly it's about, like it's only scratching the surface. But I sense the inner torment and bleak outlook in it. Overall, I like verses like this, and I liked this one. |
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01-13-04, 11:48 PM
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#3
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Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Yea ..this was nice, short & to the point, .. good vocab, & rhymesheme..nice resamblings to the fruit..very original..flowed good, .. only thing i didnt like that it was short ... but eh good job .. = )
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Fuck you |
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01-14-04, 12:27 AM
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#4
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-Real Time-
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IP: FDD6 AE15
one of the best peices ive seen from you, good flow, didnt fall off anywhere that i could see, good imagery, good shit man, i like it, i like it alot.
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01-14-04, 01:02 AM
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#5
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Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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IP: C06F 718B
GOD DAMN...that was pretty deep there guy.. the imagry was easily done greatly here... the vocab level was high, and not overdone..flowed well...only noticible flaw would be the lenght...i felt that had you added 6-10 more lines you could have explained better...good none the less
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01-14-04, 01:12 AM
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#6
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young mike-young bangers-
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IP: 399E F0FD
ayo that shit was hot as fuck yo know yo keep it up son
Dont reply ne more, ..with a bullshit one reply line..do it again & ur banned -Edicius
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JR.delinquents Last edited by Edicius : 01-14-04 at 01:29 AM. |
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01-14-04, 03:10 AM
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#7
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Guest
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IP: 8F29 2687
vocab was precise and on point
flow was generally hard and nice concept very creative this piece was nice and well thought out i liked it alot.... drop feed on "untangible evil" |
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01-14-04, 12:19 PM
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#8
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ShO-Nuff. Fuckers
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IP: C1DA C961
Uppin, thank u those who took their time to peep.
__________________
MerK SquAd. <center><img src=http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=8889&stc=1></center> |
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01-14-04, 01:43 PM
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#9
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The Golden Chyld
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IP: 17B3 6207
I was really feelin' the piece Largo ... Creative ... Very ... Content was deep ... Piece was short but still had enuff to make it dope ... Imagery was dopie in this piece ... Gotta say one of the dopest drops I have seen from U also ...
slowly release rage through words on a tear soaken paper and blind the guide who took the broken path he called safer so I stand here now looking up, broken but stronger and release a silent scream at love saying my hope is no longer That was the standout part of the verse in my opinion ... I was lovin' those lines ... Keep it up ... Stay writin' man ... Good job here ... Peace |
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01-14-04, 01:55 PM
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#10
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Middle Weight
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IP: 9DAE 3ADA
Nice piece...seriously. Definitely deep. I could find one or two spots where the flow fell off just a bit. Other than that, beautiful. As some others said, wish it were a longer piece. Nonetheless, very nice.
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01-14-04, 02:48 PM
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#11
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
short and sweet~~~~
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01-14-04, 09:10 PM
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#12
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ShO-Nuff. Fuckers
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IP: 4577 CD9A
thank u for the feedback fellas ^ ^ better lengthen those replys
or your gonna get in trouble..
__________________
MerK SquAd. <center><img src=http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=8889&stc=1></center> |
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01-24-04, 12:05 PM
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#13
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Guest
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IP: 9D9E 02CA
This was very deep, the wording really stepped this up a level, the vocab was suited for this piece but could of done with upping to take it that next stage higher so there was multis to help the flow, but i know your mcing skills are really damn good, so i think this would make avery nice short audio, the emotion really gave the reader a sense of participating in the event, well done!! try and give me more next time, its nice to read, and keep writing.
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01-24-04, 12:10 PM
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#14
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Guest
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IP: 4CEF 0D91
short, nice flow, consistent on topic and good metaphor's
I yearn to understand the rottin fruit of this selflesness Nice |
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02-10-04, 07:33 PM
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#15
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Guest
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IP: 40D6 EBC3
Short piece... Dope...
Good consistent flow... Structure was... Ya know... Normal... Vocabulary was pretty decent for such a short verse... You managed to say what you felt in a short space... Thats good... Quotable... slowly release rage through words on a tear soaken paper That^, my friend... Was dope... Keep dropping... Pz... |
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