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02-09-04, 07:04 PM | #1 | ||||
Flyweight
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Word Definate & ELEETE - "...That One Man"
IP: 5502 12A2
"...That One Man"
"Its ya man Word Definate, listen up, for all you....who are missing that one man...that one man who took part in your existance...this is for you, this is for us...n for all the guys that have just walked out, as well as my pops... Fuck you........asshole..." [Word Definate] Only a glance toward him tingled n warmed skin, could sense then that he was important, made up my mind to block out n ignore it, but then broke through mind barriers n poured in, now hearts sore again from past thoughts, of that last loss you thought i passed off, strong on the surface, but crumbling within, stumbling again, on the floor falling short as your "mistaken kin", contemplating when, when he'll go away, never there before n wasnt there today, got nothin left to say to the man who wouldnt stay, tryna replace my mindstate of hate, heads dead weight, lookin down on life, what you did wont happen twice, no matter whats left, gonna do whats right, be a real man n never run out on my son or wife... [Chorus] I wish away on my entity, this life is my enemy// every second i breathe, it keeps on testing me// never let him get the best of me// god, please reach down n lend a hand, n wipe away the days of this mystery man// [ELEETE] Starin into space seems I'm caught frozen ina glare......(thinkin) If my father were to die tomorrow I don't think that I would care How can I possibly care for a man who was never there?!! A man who was scared to take responsibility for his own fuckin errors!! I'm not gonna lie I know for a fact that I wouldn't cry I couldn't cry for a man through his actions I've learn to despise!! I wouldn't even try......all these feelings I would just hide, An erase everything that has to do with him in my life!! I'd ask why, but why bother?.....I never had a father The only thing you did in life, was make my life harder!! It's sad to see, the shit in life that I've lived through You can ask for forgiveness but I will never forgive you!! Often as a child I wondered what it would be like to have you there!! Watching others play ball with theirs......It was never fair!!! I never expected to live a life where you wouldn't exist!! I pray to you once again Lord......What did I do to deserve this?!! [Chorus] (3rd Verse from another head, not yet finished...) [Chorus] -End- Feedback please...
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The only defintion that matters... Word Definate N Slik Shadow Vs. PROOF N Teflon NO SHOW BITCHES : Hit_Man #
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02-09-04, 07:12 PM | #2 | ||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
I must say i was a little dissapointed on this...I have read alot better form you Eleete and word I have not read many of your stuff so I can't really comment on comparign this to your past works,but this wasn't all that good..I don't know why but this remined of a bad version of "Moment of clairty"...I'm dissapointed....
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02-10-04, 11:49 PM | #3 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: DCCF E86A
...uppin for feed...
__________________
The only defintion that matters... Word Definate N Slik Shadow Vs. PROOF N Teflon NO SHOW BITCHES : Hit_Man #
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02-10-04, 11:59 PM | #4 | |||
Fern Gully
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IP: E7E8 E1E9
aight
Word Definate : wasnt really feelin your verse - right off the bat the flow seemed real slow and dragged and there was no real fealing in any of those lines - your rhyme scheme was kinda off - i dunno - me personally i wouldnt of dropped this in OM chorus was real Blah - the slashes just kill me - i mean this is a piece and it just makes it look sloppy and newbish - and the double spacing is awful - ELEETE : what i appreciate in your verse is that you have like a direct connect to it - i mean i can tell your feelings for your father by reading it - which is real good - the wording tho was kind of - umm.. blah - some good lines but alot of them ive heard variations of in the 5000000+ songs about fathers who walked out on them - i guess id tell you to get more original - overall - a pretty blah peice - definitly potential with the topic but it really needs to be cleaned up - maybe you two just dont collab together well cuz i know ive seen alot better from ELEETE at least props anyway for doin your thing and maybe yall could hit this up http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113500
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