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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-17-04, 07:43 PM
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#1
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Guest
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What if...
IP: 6B14 EBF1
What if.. we could travel back in time
see the dinasaurs or Shakespear rhyme What if.. our existance could be forever imagine the things we would see and indevour What if...intelligent beings from outta space came to our planet..and we mixed with their race What if.. our future like a book could be read we could control our destiny years and years ahead What if... There was no racism or terrorism we wouldnt have lived through wars and NaZism What if...we stop the polutions and helped earth welcome the new generation to a clean place at birth What if.... there was no poverty on this globe imagine watching happiness and love explode...... What if... If I could do something to help the situation Well you could... if that was the feeling throught the nation What if... I cared more about the way i live and my health If a good heart came to me before money and wealth What if... I took sometime to help the less fortunate instead of worrying about work and weather am late What if... I recycled and picked up the litter around instead of being lazy and just chucking rubish on the ground What if...this goes through a million ears and out a million more well we'll continue seeing poverty , hunger and another war Last edited by Eki : 02-17-04 at 07:49 PM. |
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02-17-04, 08:16 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: 6B14 EBF1
uppin for some feedback
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02-17-04, 08:36 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: 498B 3937
iight...
Here's your feedback... First verse... Nice flow... Good concepts and ideas in it aswell... Makes you think "What If"... Lol... Second Verse... Nice multi... Same as first verse aswell... Flow, concepts and so on... Nice last line aswell... Third Verse... Nice closer... Ended it quite nicely... Same as first two verses in all other aspects... Overall... Nice consistent verses... Good use of vocabulary, flow, concepts and ideas, structure... Wasnt feeling the colours though... Dont do that next time... Maybe a stronger ending could of been used... Just to of left us thinking "What If"... Wierd sort of thing really... Contradicting yourself each line... Worked though...  ...Keep it up... Hit this up for me please... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...020#post1193020 Thanks... Pz... |
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02-17-04, 09:33 PM
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#4
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IP: 92E7 0682
^^ thanks man
uppin2 |
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02-17-04, 09:41 PM
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#5
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New to RB
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IP: ED24 C472
any1 up to battling?
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02-18-04, 12:22 AM
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#6
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Guest
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IP: C7C6 C426
uppin......
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02-18-04, 01:22 AM
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#7
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Guest
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IP: 5C4B 9DFC
Dope shit.... I felt this topic alot... you touched on some dope issues... i can relate... im always too lazy to chuck rubbish in a bin...
You had some good vocab, but what really stood out was your flow... i read this aloud to myself and it flowed perfectly... I just felt some more multis could be used.... otherwise dope as fuck.... congrats and keep up the good work 9/10 |
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