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06-16-04, 02:15 PM | #1 | |||||||
New to RB
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I know you gotta grow <--= Need Opinionz for real
IP: D34B 4DD0
Hi all,
Had this posted elsewhere and it was suggested I place it here. Please review and give me feedback on it. Not as concerned about 'style' critique as much as it's ability to 'reach out'..... Thankz, Teazer I know you gotta grow: I tried every angle even some written down in books, I awakened to the asian star with thoughts of you not far. I vowed that I would stand for you, no matter what it took. I stood ... I know you gotta grow, I know one day you may go,, but is this the way our wayz to be for you and me? The visions of youth and elder are not always the same color, but the spirit and wisdoms in the end resemble one another. All that is read or said in your heart and in your head Absorbed or ignored, how you being led? Are you sure you're on the outside looking inside Or testing your edges, being eaten by your own pride Reality check,check-check, don't wreck, take a sec I'm the Dad you had, but now you don't want or have need The root of your seed, your the last name of our breed The prodigal of the perverbial prodigal, even Saul became Paul. For now consider this as Chapter 1, verse 17, Now it's all about being 18, the verse and dream. .... for now <clikndaswitch>....... |
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06-16-04, 06:56 PM | #2 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 0349 9F1D
That was a really nice piece man. I don't know if you just turned 18, but I have very recently and it really got to me. It flowed very smoothly and the vocab was nice.
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06-16-04, 08:16 PM | #3 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 1510 A49A
Thanks Whyte Ave. Much appreciated. Actually, I'm a father whose son just turned 18 and I haven't heard from since.
Just tryin to 'reach out' ya know.... Thanks again ...Teazer... |
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