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Old 10-31-04, 06:03 PM   #1
K.ontroverz.Y
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Lifeless Skript

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Hey i just mastered text,audio and Topical...so why not try poetry

check this out my first peice


...Poetry, Flows through the blood Of a man...
...Who doesn't understand The reason of death...
...afterlife, another Step in gods merciless plan...
...Fresh cent of life Passes through every breath...

...Express my Emotions through this Lifeless script...
...I'll love my woman until i can't bare and my heart rips...
...Even then will I put Heart into my poetry...
...You, another life form, nothing less nothing more then me...
...As Seasons change, Flowers Bloom, and then die again...
...more people lifeless, Let's unite as females and men..
...A world without Killing and Violence, what a beautiful vision...
...The Devil and the Demon's make that a hard competition...

...Look At the Light, As My soul is being collected...
...Rising to the sky Glad god would enjoy my presence...
...Violence will continue until jesus is Ressurected...
...But we bless his birth With Joy and Christmas presents..







What do ya'll think?
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Old 10-31-04, 06:08 PM   #2
Tha Q
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pretty heartfelt...good


more imagery would be nice


but not bad homie...keep up the good work



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Old 10-31-04, 06:11 PM   #3
K.ontroverz.Y
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thanx fam...i think it was pretty good for my first piece
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Old 11-01-04, 01:56 PM   #4
Grammar Popo
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Yeah, you need more imagery. More length would be better, too. Good emotion. You were kind of bouncing from topic to topic. More depth to the topics would be better. Pretty good.
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n. Slang: A form of popular <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=music&v=56">music</a> developed especially in African-American urban communities and characterized by spoken or chanted rhyming lyrics with a syncopated, repetitive rhythmic accompaniment.

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Poetic Scriptures poems:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=157364
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=157462
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Old 11-01-04, 02:27 PM   #5
Denied Truth
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I agree more imagery

but do some vertical thinking...as in taking one topic and going deeper with it...your doing horizontal thinking..taking many topics and being shallow...

yeah expand...brotha


i liked it alot...
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Old 11-10-04, 07:51 AM   #6
K.ontroverz.Y
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thanx mayn..............
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