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Old 10-10-04, 11:01 PM   #1
toebman
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Posts: 4
Joined: Sep 2004
From: zion il
Status: Offline
deepness apathy

IP: 7438 401E

i wake up
i krack up
i lite up
i fuck up

why do i do it to my self?
am i really the piece of shit he says i am?
why dont i kill them all?
would it be better that way?

i sleep in it
i dream in it
i go to mystical lands in it
i wake up

cant anyone help me?
can i just do it on my own?
should i see a doctor?
what the fuck is wrong with me?

i sleep in it
i dream in it
i fly in it
i wake up

no one at my side
no one at all
no love
no hate
no feeling
im numb from the pain

i wish there was more to life
instead i just get this fucking pain
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help me, tear down my reason
help me, the sex i can smell
help me , the only thing that works for me
help me get away from my self
i wanna f*&k you like an animal
i wanna feel you from the inside
i wanna f*&k you like an animal!
my whole existance is flawed
you get me closer to god

"I think all song that have any f word in them should never be played on the radios" <--- my mom (at a town meeting i must add)

LOOK he is crushing his head
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Old 10-14-04, 11:59 AM   #2
fluidmoon
<<-Carpe Noctum->>
 
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Posts: 2,183
Joined: Jun 2004
From: NEW YORK
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-0
IP: 3240 794D

this was interesting in its own right, and scattered, i think, i understand the message that you were trying to portray, and i know you could have said it better, not that this lacked anything, content wise, but you could have said more, and filled in areas with your vocab....but i liked the "in your face" aspect of your poem....good, if you work on what i suggested, this will be great....1, just some feedback,,all friendly..
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O Y D

*FluidMusic*


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