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10-10-04, 11:01 PM | #1 | ||||
New to RB
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deepness apathy
IP: 7438 401E
i wake up
i krack up i lite up i fuck up why do i do it to my self? am i really the piece of shit he says i am? why dont i kill them all? would it be better that way? i sleep in it i dream in it i go to mystical lands in it i wake up cant anyone help me? can i just do it on my own? should i see a doctor? what the fuck is wrong with me? i sleep in it i dream in it i fly in it i wake up no one at my side no one at all no love no hate no feeling im numb from the pain i wish there was more to life instead i just get this fucking pain
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help me, tear down my reason help me, the sex i can smell help me , the only thing that works for me help me get away from my self i wanna f*&k you like an animal i wanna feel you from the inside i wanna f*&k you like an animal! my whole existance is flawed you get me closer to god "I think all song that have any f word in them should never be played on the radios" <--- my mom (at a town meeting i must add) LOOK he is crushing his head |
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10-14-04, 11:59 AM | #2 | |||||
<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 3240 794D
this was interesting in its own right, and scattered, i think, i understand the message that you were trying to portray, and i know you could have said it better, not that this lacked anything, content wise, but you could have said more, and filled in areas with your vocab....but i liked the "in your face" aspect of your poem....good, if you work on what i suggested, this will be great....1, just some feedback,,all friendly..
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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