this is just random feelings of death

is it in death that the human being is truely free
constant thoughts of suicide always seem to haunt me
everday i think of why i was put here in this earth
i think that theres a reason for the life i live, seems to be cursed
cant understand why i always end up depressed thinking of death
i dont need to be out of love, but then i turn to the lord above
ask him where i should go, who i should admire deeply
i look around and face the facts, i inspired anything but weakly
dont walk away if you feel the need walk up and speak to me
you say u had a hard life well try livin mine its not a fable
5 yrs old runing trying to hide under the diningroom table
not able to hid the scars of the war i lived with my dad
lets hear your story, compared im sure its not so bad
drunken fights in the hallway, hearin sirens ringin all day
parents moved on but i still dealt with my fathers rage
kept all this hurt inside didnt wana open doors to this cage
my spirit it hurt form that baseball bat that you worked
coulda hit a homerun with the bruises you left me with
you found out how oyu left me in tears from the fears i dealt with
dont think i making this up for you to have something to read
my soul is scarred constant nightmares inside my dreams

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.:Retired:.