http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=162251
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=162984

You dont know what its like to be called nothin all of your life//
You ask why but fuck it ud rather die//
You get lied to 99 percent of your life no reason to be alive//
You strive to be what you can be//
But you got no support from your family//
Ya think the world cant stand me//
So u turn gothic and start wearin black//
The depression u cant stop it the sadness u cant hack//
Start to slack off in school cant rule your own life//
U dont get condoned for your actions//
Your step dad comes down and you get slapped and//
You just crawl up into a ball and ball your eyes out//
when your eyes dry u break shit and scream and u shout in anger//
get as high as u want to get as yacked out as you need to be//
go head use weed to set you free//
but in the end all that youll be is a nothing to you and me//

can i get someone to criteque this shit even if it sucks

it was aight but not GOOD....lines were way different legnths and u needed to use betta wordchoice and betta rhymes.....other than that it was okay for a starter....elevate mayne, it'll come eventually after a few battle's and om's and experience....................6/10

*could sum1 peez drop some hot open mics cuz all da ones lately have been wack