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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
12-04-04, 08:26 AM
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#1
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New to RV
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Life's Path
IP: 8C24 2516
|:.Life's Path.:.| Location: It's unknown and the protagonist are blurry in minds... ...So just keep in mind that it could happen to anybody at any time Life couldn't be better, Everything was clear including the weather... But wether it'd stay the same, just keep that envelope with another letter The teenage son was in want of a car, was an aspiring soccer star... So far, his parents said he wasn't responsible enough right from the start And about they're baby girl, she just saw the light of this world... 60 days old, little did she know how a place like this cold be so cruel undescribable happyness on the mother, just gave birth to'er daughter... & had 3 others to look after, but suddenly life turned on her Father had been leavin his job with causal shirts, comin' late from work private calls to his cell phone, suspicions automatically had to lurk... His ego was on the dirt, couldn't even look at his wife's face when he spoke Slowly leavin folk, Went to the Porche everynight to drink and smoke... The wife's suspicious, Father's been leavin the house with out a reason ...They say Looks are deceivin... But what she saw were the missing pieces to the puzzle, given... Her own best friend, a known slut from that given day, layin with her man She couldn't understand, but without an explanation she got up & ran... |.:.::.2 Years Later.::.:.| The teenage son was a pot-head, pointless life enough said... A's turned to F's, Goals turned to pipes with dreams of just being dead The daughter was two, 1 1/2 years before you'd see her dressed in silk... But now, the poor girl was lucky enough to even get some sips of milk The mother was a crack-fiend, The happyness ran out of her strife... & had 2 others to look after, because one of 'em took his own life |
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12-04-04, 09:36 AM
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#2
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Miss Me?
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IP: 08CF 169D
Word...good storyline...your wording was off in spots so work on that...the flow was good but feel off in spots....vocab was decent....rhyme scheme was nice...this is one example of how ur wording coulda been better....
Instead Of: The daughter was two, 1 1/2 years before you'd see her dressed in silk... But now, the poor girl was lucky enough to even get some sips of milk Replace with The daughter was two, 1 1/2 years before you'd see her dressed in silk... But now, the poor girl was just lucky to get some sips of milk... Keep working at it...you got some potential...give it a 6.8/10...good drop
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That Old School Mother Fucker  Aint That A Bitch? Crhyme Sindicate
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12-04-04, 12:50 PM
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#3
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New to RV
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IP: 8C24 2516
thanks... uppin'
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12-04-04, 12:55 PM
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#4
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Flyweight
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IP: 3AE8 B82C
YEA MAN DAT WAS TIGHT GOOD WORDPLAY,NICE
FLOW,GOOD STRUCTIA,I GIVE U A 9.5/10...RETURN DA FAV.ON MY NEW DROP CALLED "dis is how i feel"..holla
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STL SOLDIA...KEEP REPPIN
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12-10-04, 03:33 PM
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#5
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New to RV
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IP: 73E2 6955
doubt it's a 9.5 :-) but thanks.... uppin'
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12-11-04, 10:45 AM
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#6
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New to RV
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IP: 3D8D E4D2
uppin'.. , up, up..
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12-16-04, 05:23 PM
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#7
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New to RV
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IP: 4DC5 0BA9
uppin'.............................. drop your links ! !
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12-16-04, 05:34 PM
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#8
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...Jea...
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IP: 28AD 5545
yo good shit....kood work on a few things, but it wuz overall good......7.5/10
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12-18-04, 01:55 PM
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#9
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New to RV
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IP: 1E1E A564
Uppin..... thanks for the feed.......
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12-23-04, 10:34 AM
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#10
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New to RV
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IP: 9EF6 F849
Ups..... like push ups..
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12-23-04, 12:35 PM
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#11
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Jumpin' Along
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
this was a decent drop for a new comer ,i give it 7/10 , you had a nice story line like L.I said and yea you really need to work on your wording , other then that just think alittle more before you write something down , and you can have a good story
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-Im God-
 3 Dq's dont get it twisted  -An Origional Rv member since 2003 ..Still think you can beat me? - |
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12-24-04, 02:32 PM
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#12
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New to RV
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IP: D7ED 514A
Uppin.. thanks for feed. drop your links.
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