Struggling Every Day

I'm a guy bazaar wanna buy a car// applied my bank
Account used a specified amount// now a blank
Butt and bankrupt car won’t crank up// can't purchase a sandwich
The damage is done now my credit is pathetic need a bandage//
Come with mean rhymes in between wines// hardcore blast
Lyrics while I pour a glass of spirits. // On sites get ignored fast
Like blonde influence this is beyond endurance// even Madonna
Still like a virgin when ill fight verses surging// biting like piranhas
Make red blood pumped through veins want true fame//
I try rule the hot block but some fool shot a glock// straight aimed
Now got to duck my head or get struck by lead.// but I try dive fly
just to survive a drive by// note I now tote a snub nose and vibes high
just to stay above those// that shoots rounds and pollutes grounds//
with shell casings hell racing my way hear recruits falling all around//
look I'm in the early morning fog scorning a catalog I'm not fat at all//
trying to order work wear got an alert stare// on page twenty-two some tall
coveralls got plenty to do// before I mail order these items are off the wall
Talk cash clout lame as an idea dash out// my brains drink fine wine and become
Einstein// put atomics leery in my Ebonics theory// flow corrupt divine scum
and blow up with my nine guns,// like Hiroshima Japan, in rap I'll erase plot
on the market and place shots in targets// like a soldier's victory taste hot
on the rifle range this trifle is strange so on the cipher rearrange brains//

this wasnt really a poem cuz it had no emotion........and poems focus on emotion and this was just rhyming.....this belongs in the Open Mic forum but ill feed it anyway

flow-decent
vocab-lacking
structure-needs work.dont stretch lines
crativity-couldve been more on topic decent creativity
topic-knida played but this was decent
multis-saw some, good
get rid of the //
elevate some....4/10

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