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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-13-05, 04:28 AM
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#1
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Whys That?
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random thought's(first poem ever written)
IP: E8B4 836F
Ok Im unsure if this is even a poem. i have never written one before in my life. This is a first. so any feed,critism anything you thought while reading this please tell me. how else will I learn?
RANDOM THOUGHTS ............................. If it was ever true,what you eat is what you are then most are destined to become something ugly ugly isnt smiled apon,god doesnt like it But if you were to eat healthy,reversing your destiny then a smile will be brought apon you A shining light doesnt allway's mean warmth while a shining smile allway's means love love is interprited in many ways Love for self,one another,people in general but when used for the wrong cause love can also be hate love for money,power,control lust and greed if you find yourself slipping into a darkness It's not hard to turn on the light If you find the light isnt working a little more effort may bring a new bulb courage can be more than doing somthing your afraid of it could also be courage of definition's staying socially aware,not letting one be treated less staying in a rite frame of mind never turn off the light. |
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01-13-05, 03:40 PM
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#2
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..Rv Sucks..
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IP: 408D D2A2
this was a poem sort of but stay on one topic..i know this wasnt supposed to have just one but it just sorta makes it more a poem when u focus on 1 topic.......but this wasnt bad......keep it up man.......feed on my poem......links in sig....graci
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01-14-05, 12:32 AM
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#3
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 8A1A D0A3
for a first poem,that was pretty good
like ^^^ try to stay on one topic |
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01-14-05, 01:31 AM
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#4
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Whys That?
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IP: AA11 D51C
thnx for the feed.
I see exactly what you mean by stay on one topic. does poetry have to rhyme? |
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01-14-05, 02:02 AM
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#5
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I walk & walk over you
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IP: 6678 9198
Quote:
NO it really doesnt, it have to make sense though. People say "you have to rhyme" clearly they're wrong. Poetry is somting to define feelings in "any way shape or form" I say yea stay on topic fam, never go off.
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.:* Crhyme Sindicate* :.
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01-14-05, 02:12 AM
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#6
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Only the Illist
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IP: 1AF0 6ADD
it was aight... i like it when people realize that poetry dont have to rhyme... u did good for a first poem... up on vocab and stay on a topic but u did good
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01-14-05, 02:50 AM
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#7
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Whys That?
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IP: 24E9 D8AC
hey yo thnx for the feed. much aprecitted.
poetry is new to me in a sence that I havent actually taken time to leran about it, so any info you can give me is apprecitted. thnx |
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01-17-05, 02:33 AM
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#8
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New to RV
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IP: 3D13 9FAC
poetry expression of words processed among paper or in this case an internet site... lol
i think you didnt fall of of topic seems as how you dont really have a topic, this peice is kind of a mixture of thoughts mixed together, thats what i perceive when i read this, for your first poem id have to say "not bad"... there was some technicality and some other ish expressed through this peice overall... not bad... Quote:
agreed ^ neway keep droppin str8 heat... Peace...
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-Diversity- ...â€-exâ€-... eternity
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01-21-05, 01:13 AM
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#9
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Whys That?
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IP: 838B 916B
thnx for the feed.
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01-25-05, 08:01 PM
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#10
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 0825 899A
for a first poem, this was pretty good, try to ease into other topics better, watch your vocabulary, this was good for a random thought piece, but try using better adjectives and connecting words so the reader doesnt get confused while reading, make your poems blend well and the words flow into eachother......good job, stay up.1
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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