yo everybody two of some close friends died and i wrote this a while a go but i am just now droppin it......this means a lot to me so i would appreciate feedback....not sympathetic just tell me what ya think.......thanks.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Gill and Stew~
they died together best friends till the end~
these two were the best, i dont know where to begin~
they were soldja's, they held the weight of emotion on thier shoulda's~
never left each others side, until death, when reality and fun collide~
now we wishin we woulda said goodbye, but we can learn from these tears we cried~
its just another chapter in a life learned lesson, gill and stews lives were a blessin~
now they just missin, its like god was takin thier life and usin it for testin~
i dont know if this was supposed to happin, but we should wipe our tears and start laughin~
remember the memories and jokes they were crackin~
R.I.P. for life i'll keep ya in my heart, keep ya where ya belong, keep ya with the stars~
your faces implanted in our hearts and lives, and i'll always thnk of you and when i move on in life i'll strive~
i'm stunned, ya lives are over and i'm bummed, ya'll know the saying......only the good die young........~~~~1~~~.......yo sympathy to all ya'll who have lost someone....god bless ya'll!

Yeah, a raw piece that came from the heart.

But it wasn't the best. I mean i felt what was being said. In a simple way, but i felt you could've dug a bit deeper. Gone more into the situation. It was to the point, but i felt you could've used that to go further.

But then, for what it was, a dedication (a quick one so it seemed), it was nice enough.

..resp...

Shiznit's Thought:

hmm...interesting..but not what i expected tho...

The whole piece required something that would actually improve a bit of creativeness...hmm im not saying that it was bad but the structure of the poem reflected on its flow and meaning as well...so if u construct it well then it would be good.

The theme was actually self explanatory...that uve somehow respected and keen for those people and enthustiastically sent them messages from ur heart..thats good.

it wasnt that bad at all..but couldve been better if it was executed well...

p.s.
if u drop the ~~~~~~ and the .......... maybe it would be appealing to the reader....u cannot emphasize something using those symbols....emphasize them by words.

...and if u have time...go check out our rhetorical insights. Just drop something that you actually think its worth reading...cant hurt to try. thanks!

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<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>