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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-11-05, 11:03 PM
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#1
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Tight.
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Early Morning Smog
IP: C959 12E0
Early Morning Smog In the night shots rang, like halloween night, The warning bell sounded, we turned off the light. Not to be seen, nor heard, non-existant preferred, Living in the Middle-Eastern, my brother fell silent, I urged. Counting heads I noticed one was missing, alas a little brother, Put on my coat, kissed my family goodbye, an extra hug from my mother. Out of our quaint room I ran, to lay my life on the line, Frantically I was searching, for a glimpse of one of my kind. More shots, fear hit my already panick stricken mind, terror in my eyes, There he was huddled against a wall, dirty, but alive. A sigh of relief I ran and picked him up,"It's ok I have you", whispered tones, "If something happens run home, don't look back" rebels were walking up the road. Shots seared, blazing in all of man's greatest fury, Nature was on my side, today was not my time, still hurried. Too dangerous to walk on, hidden amongst an abandoned house, Scared and crying, held him tight, making less sound than a mouse. We waited for the firing to subside, covered his eyes, not seeing the dead bodies that lie. Polloution fills the air, from guns, tanks, blown up cars, An idea hit me, whispering, "Not much longer, just hold on". The sun was rising, as was my hope, dawn was approaching, A glare of light, and we were gone, constantly choking. The thick fumes from nothing that was made by Almighty God, He showed me the way, fleeing, through that Early Morning Smog. I wrote this tonight, right after saying good night to my brothers. |
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01-12-05, 09:16 AM
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#2
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Tight.
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IP: 5A95 3DF9
Upping this, feedback is returned.
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01-12-05, 03:58 PM
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#3
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Tight.
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IP: C959 12E0
upppppp please, I always return feedback. Gosh dangit.
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01-12-05, 04:29 PM
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#4
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Flyweight
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IP: 995C FBA1
YO i like tha plot line of what your tryin to say
its the best shit ive read all day hey check mine out its called UNSETTLED GOODBYES FEED BACK ED BE GREAT HOLLA BACK CB83
__________________
PAYBAKS A BITCH http://tinypic.com/20gzvm 
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01-12-05, 04:43 PM
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#5
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 28AD 5545
A MAyne Im Lovin This Rii Here Mayne I Think The Title shouldve Been different Though But Still You came Very very well And Mentioning The Almighty God shows that You Do have common respect for Him So Im Liking This Thang rii Here Keep Up The good Work
Aye Uppin for this shizzle rii Here \ and Oh yeah Plz RTF |
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01-13-05, 09:21 AM
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#6
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Tight.
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IP: 5A95 3DF9
Uppin this, thanks for the feedback.
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01-13-05, 02:57 PM
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#7
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Tight.
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IP: C959 12E0
come on, feeeeeed back please, damn to all these kids, who drop they're "freestyles" when this really isn't the place, and don't even give feedback, to other peoples om's but beg people for feedback.
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01-13-05, 03:12 PM
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#8
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Cus I Jus Ma$fit Dis Shit
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IP: 964F D870
yo...dis shit is hot kid...i give it a 8/10 for tha whole plot...its creative...drop a feed in my OM...its in tha sig...stay up and keep droppin 4real cuz
__________________
 Ma$fit |
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01-13-05, 03:23 PM
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#9
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Tight.
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IP: C959 12E0
^Thanks for your feedback, any others?
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01-13-05, 05:00 PM
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#10
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Tight.
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IP: C959 12E0
Upppin this leave links as I respond to them, no empty promises.
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01-13-05, 08:12 PM
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#11
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Tight.
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IP: C959 12E0
FOOOOOOOOOOOOK FEEDBACK this is annoying, I'm about to go e-gangster.
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01-14-05, 07:16 AM
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#12
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Tight.
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IP: C959 12E0
You've got to be kidding me.
*dies* |
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01-14-05, 11:02 AM
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#13
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Middle Weight
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IP: 005F B7E2
look i enjoyed your post please peep mine give me some feedback
look I'm in the early morning fog scorning a catalog I'M not fat at all// trying to order workwear got an alert stare// on page twenty two got plenty to do// before I mail order this |
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01-14-05, 06:39 PM
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#14
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Tight.
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IP: C959 12E0
^Leave a link, and uh, if that was it and your mocking me, I can merk you anyday. Just remember that.
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01-14-05, 06:44 PM
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#15
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This is my first post!
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IP: 6CC7 4F1B
I also thought that was good, the imagery was there, which truly makes it worth reading. Its nice to feel what you are reading. The plot was very smooth and interesting also. Keep up the good work.
__________________
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