No rubber will please us, that was the thesis, that left one woman wondering where her bleed-was..//
and that same woman panicking on the bathroom floor, 6 weeks later palming a fetus..//
keepin it discreet-was the plan, we'll be rid of the baby before she meets-us..//
but baby defeats-us, born on a cheap-bus, cryin tears of a bitter-sweet-fuss..//
A grateful light was quickly blackened, child born into a hateful life..//
Its all her fault, shes sorry her parents werent more careful that fateful night..//

Shes ten years old, and ten years cold, so much that her breath's seen in the air..//
a routine scare from neglecting parents, so when she screams theres no one there..//
Cuz no one cares..and no one dares to calm her shivers when she shakes..//
quivers and quakes..after hearing each day of her life was all mistakes..//
She's sorry, She knows its her fault theres no money to pay the bills..//
tho no one ever comes home with paychecks, only syringes, vials n pills..//

She's 18 now, and never once did she let the shadows on her wall catch her..//
But the chase wasnt complete until they took her mom out on the stretcher..//
She heard the men in overcoats talking of the fatal addiction doses..//
and when the door slammed shut, she was left alone with four eviction notices..//
She's sorry, she knows she deserves every pain in this life god gave her..//
shes all alone and nearly homeless, she knows now only the streets can save her..//

Moans from a man she drowned out, she only thought of loans for a plan..//
bones for a hand, of crisp 20's..was the transaction that owned once began..//
A shameful living, that stripped her of her honor as much as it did her clothes..//
but amidst the weeds she found a rose, a man who cared, or so he shows..//
They lived together, she thought she loved him, but really he was all she had..//
he kept her out the streets, so she did whatever she could to keep him glad..//
but he was always shady and never treated her like a lady..//
his liquor came first, even when placed in the lineup of her and their unborn baby..//
She's sorry he got her pregnant, on that night of drunken passion..//
she's sorry the chips of her fertility were to much for him to cash-in..//
she's sorry he hit her all night, face so covered in tears they barried it..//
but most of all shes sorry for her baby..........she miscarried it..//

She stared a strong gaze as the nurses tried to console and tap into her..//
But the only thing she could think was 19 years ago, that should have happened to her..//
She wandered back to the house where she used to watch her mom shoot up at the table..//
she almost wasnt able, to keep on, all the flashbacks made her so unstable..//
Through a faded door, she entered a bedroom and in the dresser raided the drawer..//
she hated before, it made her a whore, she didnt want it anymore..//
she hated now, she hated herself for letting her baby slip thru her grasp..//
she's sorry, she shed a tear, one last, and then she let the gun blast..//

yo dat was hott and it was powerful and sad. keep postin 1luv

^^^agree. and i like tha way it was put together too. not much more ta say bout it but it was tight, of co'se. much luv and respect.

one

siht saw no tniop!! it made me talk backwards.

this was verry nice and very well written!! keep it up! stay elevatin'

holy monkeys....wow... that was amazin... u have a tru gift for tellin stories with ur peices, and this was just plain amazin..... damn.. everything bout this peice was awesome... the flow, the words, the emotion.. truly left me speachless... i cant find my fave lines cuz i love it all... but damn... everything was so deep and everything fitted together so nicely... keep it flowin

Yo...thanks very much all of yall..i really truly appreciate the comments...

Dayam! Dat was RemarqabL Gyrl! Shit was real nice. I liked how the story was kept very short for all the information put into it. And the way it was told kept me interested in it the whole time. Nuttin' but love. Looking forward to seeing more piece from you. Holla.

damn..your smart wit it...you already know i feel ya mama..so keep doin..you

damn, if i wasn't so sober i'd ask you to marry my wack to make it ill... but its koo, you got madd skill like madd talent does with madd rhymes on this madd site from madd time to madd time, and i'm mad... poof

peace

signed,
~madd

omg gege this is amazing this reminds me of my sick n demnited ish........wow this was sad too gurl had alot of vivid an dexplicit real life scenarios all over in it...amazing peaice gurl im feelin al lof it damn im just in awe hol on ima quote some ish

No rubber will please us, that was the thesis, that left one woman wondering where her bleed-was..//

^ set t hewhole story line right there in those few word syou knew what hte story was gonna be about
......damn thats talent hol on i got some more to say

Moans from a man she drowned out, she only thought of loans for a plan..//
bones for a hand, of crisp 20's..was the transaction that owned once began..//
A shameful living, that stripped her of her honor as much as it did her clothes..//


^ shows what shes felein and all females can relate to tha tin some way after your first time you feel dirty you cant lie about that.........shit MY JAW IS IN AWE.........i only come to this site to keep in touch wit you n keezy and darneck and im impressed every single time hol on got more to say

but amidst the weeds she found a rose, a man who cared, or so he shows..//
^ that should happen to more of us.........THIS PEICE IS ABSOLUTLEY FUKKIN ILL

she's sorry he hit her all night, face so covered in tears they barried it..//
but most of all shes sorry for her baby..........she miscarried it..//
^ that right there is somethin id write for sure........you n me would make an il lcollab gurl fo real but that right htere is WHAT THIS PEICE represents to me........the finality the drama is right there man im amazed damn amazed this is by far my fave peice from you.............you have tru talent and tru skill and the fact is i envy you cuz you got this essence that surrounds you........your work shows it.........your name shows it........your overall APPEAL shows it............im amazed ima print this out and save it........absolutly amazin please gurl since i cant ever catch you online email me hazyluk@hotmail.com..........an dlet me kno how i can collab wit you

HAZY BABY

Thanks for the reps BG, Omega, n Madd...! I really appreciate that shit..

Hazy..amongst the "nice piece" and "that was tight" type replies...you get one like yours that just makes the whole shit worth it..Thank you SO much..I did actually think of you after id wrote this piece and was reading it over..it had a hazy kinda vibe to it..But damn, the appreciation and admiration for my work and everything RemarqabL that youve shown to me just makes me luv ya to death..especially when youve got ya own skillz and talent overflowing all your threads..game recognize game, right..Anyway, i know you on n about at HHT, but keep checkin in here!! I need my scheduled doses of Hazy baby..its all luv gyrl..ill for sure get at you bout the collab soon as i got a minute..
peace.

takin it to the top...

Hhm... you sure I don't reply to your stuff? Well, huh, damn. That'll have to change.
DaGyrlRemarqabL-This is the kind of peice that makes one thinks. Y'know it's there is the main character who just always seems to get shitted on. Obviously you got skill in writing. Just start walking around all french and snooty with your nose turned up, and whenever someone trys talking to you just tell them "My skills are all powerful, your not good enough to speak to me." and then your personal guards will escort the pour person from your presense.

Okay, so while your skills are that good, you won't actually do that, right? I mean like it's just not nice. And your nice, right? Well if you do act like that you'll let me talk to you, right?

Oh well, the point is what you wrote was a sad peice. It made me feel sad. I'm sure you were sad when you wrote this. Now we're all sad. Hope your happy (Badump Chink).

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

lol..yeah im nice necro..in more ways than one..
j/p..sorry if i made everyone sad..lol..ill try n write some happy pieces soon...

Thanks for the reps.