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Old 04-08-05, 11:31 PM   #1
Bangalore
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Arrow Suicide ...Free Write

IP: CF4E 8780

time has caught up to me and everything seems to cave in
but i can't stop now. the confusion and the spent emotion
has taken its toll, i came to my final decision ,the best thing to do
like i could ever give in . so good bye everyone i'll miss you
i'm sorry but this is my final stop , my last steps are taken here
i could never make you happy . if you really knew how i felt
i would have told you . but this wasn't the result of one year
its built up for a long time and just recently i've taken it hard,
every tear , you could of and should of shed i hope it was real
i can't help but feel that its all my fault, my burden , my fear
i'm giving in,heres the truth , its hard when you feel worthless
but even harder when everyone around you can't see through it
go ahead, i'll hide it from you all . so i won't expect you to cry
i want to explain . give my reasons and explanations of why
all of my life. i always felt as though i was on the outside
all those days i spent. sitting in my room , it was my relief
those were times. when things seemed not so against me
trying to stand tall but inside i can only breakdown and cry
i fell deep into depression . you told me it was just a phase
so i kept to myself, just wishing i could lay down and die
so here i am now its my time. this won't be the story of the year
it will just be a tick . in the days thats all i can expect
nothing will come from this people will move on
forget about the day that i took a last dance with death
i can't believe its been so long since i've felt this good .
so here i am with my final sigh and a last goodbye
i'm moving on to bigger and better things,
a place where i have no more fear.i just realized
that for once in my whole life i am happy with a decision
that i myself have made.

every 18 minutes someone dies from a suicide and every 43 seconds someone attempts one . so if you or anyone you know is suicidal please call 1-800-784-2433



he never gave his good byes on that day he died
the day he gave in and ended it all by taking his life


forever is to late ,some things are just bittersweet
and we eventually all fall down.
its whether or not we can find a hand to help us up .
sometimes its there sometimes its not.
but for what it is i've had to do this by myself more times than i could ever count.
if you forgot to listen and if you forgot to notice.
sometimes those you don't know just dissapear .
as you can tell its when they choose not to speak
that the damage of a few years can really take its true affect
its hard to predict and its something you can't expect
but losing yourself amongst the crowd
can sometimes be for the best
if you had any clue as to how i felt
over all these years i think you would have said something else
forever is to late , but i'll smile for now.
so save your tears and in the protection that you confide
make sure you remember the night that you died
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Old 04-14-05, 02:33 PM   #2
50Cal.
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ok i dont like the way this was wrote more in a topical form without the rhyme scheme i personally hate poems like that but i will leave honest feedback.your imagery needs work you need to use more emotional words and bring a better picture accross and that hurt your poem badly here your vocab and everything else is ok as well try to let yourself free flow i see alot of poets are forcing themselves to write dont do that take your time it will come oput much better still it was a decent drop here far from trash just work a little on what i said
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