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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
04-15-05, 05:56 PM
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#1
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New to RV
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Love Story ! Pt.1 Ft. Sarah.
IP: 76FB F2DB
Sarah-Red Jake-Black Chapter 1 <The split up> I told you i was through with you You done me bad, there ain't no make do's Don't call me no more saying "boo" were not attatch no more like an erase tatoo What happen? You was happy the man you was with He was after one thing, "sex" "love" was just a myth So when i gave you love....i was blind but know i see No see we go through 1 relationship, It's over baby *Hangs up* <Sarah> Why he won't forgive me? i told him i was sorry before i met him, the word "love" was blurry But know i see, i should've never done that mistake Kissing another man, because he had more "steak" But i know now, that love counts from the heart and i want to use my lesson, to restart But i only wish that "jake" can only listen to me Instead of ignoring me, give me a chance for me to speak <Jake> And that's gonna be the last time she'll hear from me Tired of these "gold diggers", want me for my money I'm different from other dudes, I showed my heart to her and this the thanks i get, i can't believe i fell for this "actor" I should've left you long ago, before anything turned to disaster But i guess i was too late, hipnotized by her non-sense talk Slurred by your words, like akon, this bitch had me on "lock" This bitch had, some good ass defense that couldn't be outblock But now 2 years later, I found "evidence" that i can leave you Found pictures of you kissing another man, but for a reason, i didn't feel blue Pt.2 coming soon look out for that. Leave feed thanx
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 "An eye for an eye only leaves the world blind" - Mahatma Ghandi
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04-15-05, 06:09 PM
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#2
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New to RV
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IP: 76FB F2DB
................................................Up pin
__________________
"An eye for an eye only leaves the world blind" - Mahatma Ghandi
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04-16-05, 08:52 AM
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#3
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New to RV
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IP: 9691 13E5
__________________
"An eye for an eye only leaves the world blind" - Mahatma Ghandi
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04-16-05, 09:08 AM
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#4
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Odi et Amo
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IP: D55C 811C
Okay, lemme break this one down...
The concept might not be too original but it's always nice to read some love stuff instead of all these disses. The beginning was cool, I like the tattoo-line, the rest was quite basic stuff but cool for an introduction to the piece. Then the first part from the girl's perspective was quite basic as far as vocab and emotion/imagery is concerned but it wasn't too bad. We got to know what's going on and how the girl feels about it even though I felt especially the emotion could be better, I missed the sense of sadness, sense of being lost and helpless... Guy's perspective was better in my opinion, found a good balance with the vocab. I also felt the emotion was stronger in the last part, sense of being betrayed, of relief maybe. I liked the Akon-line a lot but overall, I think the last part was the best of the entire piece. Curious about part 2 to see how the story continues... DQ
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Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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04-16-05, 10:23 AM
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#5
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New to RV
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IP: 9691 13E5
Coo coo thanx for the feedback............................
__________________
"An eye for an eye only leaves the world blind" - Mahatma Ghandi
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