Battle Rules:

10 Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting

Minimum posts to vote: 50

Check in by: 03-29-05 at 01:05 PM

Must drop verse in 15 minutes after check in.

RetroBution has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-29-05 12:10 PM.

goin against ya peers..this battles gonna turn to tears
listening to obie trice..is the only time u heard "cheers"
ya names dazzle?..ya rhymes hardly set thing to shine
you couldnt "blow up" in this game..if u were a land mine.
ya gon be dissapointed..youll never elevate to be a vet
you cudnt throw up sick lyrics..if u threw up the alphabet
ive seen your battles..and not one punch of note to hit..
verses like the wrong jigsaw piece..they simply a "misfit"
fuck it i dnt need a fith bar..your already in the slammer
i think ya spits r usefull,lol,right..as much as a glasshammer

DAZZLE has ACCEPTED this battle on 03-29-05 12:31 PM.

Did this realllll quick.


retrobution can mean pay back, retro is an old thing (from the past), he doesnt own a bank account and his first thred only has one view.

__________________

fort it were sposed to be 6-10 lines...... .

Voted For: RetroBution

iight battle yall
heres my feedback

retrobution
IP:


goin against ya peers..this battles gonna turn to tears
listening to obie trice..is the only time u heard "cheers"
ya names dazzle?..ya rhymes hardly set thing to shine
you couldnt "blow up" in this game..if u were a land mine.
ya gon be dissapointed..youll never elevate to be a vet
you cudnt throw up sick lyrics..if u threw up the alphabet
ive seen your battles..and not one punch of note to hit..
verses like the wrong jigsaw piece..they simply a "misfit"
fuck it i dnt need a fith bar..your already in the slammer
i think ya spits r usefull,lol,right..as much as a glasshammer

lotz of punches at opponent
like ur word choice and personals
good structure
elevate sum more
7/10

dazzle
Steppin up to me, yea you just breached this peace,
Ya lines r more played....than a "figure of speech!
Ima deliver your "RetroBution", this is my way to "pay back"
Your style is "Retro"..........so its "a thing of the past"!
150 RV dollars on hand,a large amount?Well i demand a recount,
How he gonna carry that shit, when he Dont own a bank account!
You got no love do you, so jus gimme this win, nobody likes you...
How do i know? Look at your Introduction thread....It only got one view!!

not 2 many punches or personals
work on structure a lil bit so itz easier 2 read
elevate sum more and youll b iight
ur gettn better dazzle much betta 4rm wut u posted in our battle
6.5/10

my v/retrobution 4 more punches and personals at opponent

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation.

__________________

Voted For: DAZZLE

meh....

retro...shit, only good line was your closer....everything else is played and done before man....gotta come up with some creative shit, plus everything was just a little too basic, didn't really have any personals in there either, so work on that....but positively, your flow was good, structure good...no multies......just need to work on gettin some good punches/creative ones, get personals, and elevate the vocab and wordplay a little....and you should be fine

dazzle....not bad man, good personals....thats what really separated you, and you had some good shit in there, first line coulda been better because it was an aight punch, but overall, i think you took this one, for a harder punch, and better personals......you tied probly in every other category....this was a basic battle, but still not that bad

v/dazzle

__________________

and seriously ^^ lyricalmastermind, i dont think you know what a personal was, because dazzle's verse was almost all personals.....haha

__________________

i agree wit kesse.......
personals win battles..
n u had some i didnt..so yeh u prob took this

aight thanks for the vote. .

word, haha, cracks me up cause that guy votes against me saying i have no personals, but like half my verse is composed of em........shit, retro, yeh, but you got some skill though, keep up......word, i shall up this for you again, haha

__________________

i think your structure is coo, but needs a lil bit more practice and elevation in it. but that was the least of ur problems.try to think of some harder personals. when you face someone whose been here longer it will be easier to think of harder personals. try to think of more creative punches ans shit. disses and shit to make ur oponent look bad. this wasnt a bad verse, but it wasnt winning material for this win. ur oponent is garbage, but he had harder punches in this one, and better metaphores to take the win. also try to think of some more creative metaphores. comparing you oponents to something bad to create a good diss. your rhyming is ok, but try to throw in a few multiples in your verse. but not that many, cause ur whole verse may change into just multiples. just work on that for now, but it was a good verse

thanks for feed fam.

uppin for some votes......