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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
04-27-05, 04:47 PM
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#1
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Banned: Cheating
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Distorted World
IP: 3CAE 6243
Distorted World:
Tears of sorrow flood into waves, crashing into the bed of red water A sea of blood revealing God’s massacre, and the holy lands filled with slaughter Dead virgin daughters, black rain showers down upon the emaciated corpses Mutilated cadavers, their innocent souls collected by reapers on black horses The enemies of world rulers cut a swathe through the great structures Decimated to ruins, rubble rains and sheathes to the ground, alliances ruptured Men evolved into lackadaisical creatures, rise of the machines, the fall of Rome in a new generation Armageddon unleashes itself upon the unsuspecting vulnerable souls of the most powerful nations A vast loss of great minds, no longer embarked on a metaphysical journey to the constellations Apocalypse, led by relations of God’s creations, showcase a paradise, flourished with the thorns of temptation Altered time in alternate worlds, the angels of light and darkness in preparation No hesitation, the subterfuge and masquerades of hells snakes remain impatient A prophecy comes to pass, swept our race, left us with a chaotic land, no safe haven Clash of the titan’s leaves a dark tranquility, churches reduced to dust, burning asylums A blain compliment, as the dark hole envelops the galaxy, then darkness falls, a godsend As the sun burns out to ash, contorted people put to rest, a distorted world, come to an end |
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04-27-05, 05:40 PM
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#2
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Middle Weight
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IP: C9E7 F99F
A vast loss of great minds, no longer embarked on a metaphysical journey to the constellations
That Part Stood Out To Me The Most .. You Chose Your Vocab Very Wisely Which Was A Good Thing .. Its An Inquisitive Poem And I like That .. Imagery Was Good Emotion Was There .. The Only Fault I Found Is That I Didnt Like The Ending And You Made It Rhyme But Really Didnt Follow A Rhyme Structure .. But It Was A Good Poem No Doubt Stay Up...
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04-27-05, 08:19 PM
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#3
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 3CAE 6243
Thanks, I actually thought the ending was perfect, this whole poem was about everything bad that has happened from past to present to future, all in a metaphorical sense behin every line, but ya anways this was keyed fast, i'm gonna drop much better then this
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04-28-05, 02:50 AM
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#4
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Light Weight
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IP: 52D6 462B
Quote:
cannot agree more!
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04-28-05, 03:41 PM
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#5
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 28AD 5545
Great metaphors in this piece, i enjoyed reading this, great vocabulary,the way you set it up to display the areas of importance was great,armaggeddon and the apocalypse,dope piece,and the ending was perfect, keep em coming.1
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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